February 27, 2013

  • Thanks for Being Honest

    First off, I’d like to apologize that all my posts lately are about my boyfriend.  Our relationship just tends to be the source of all my inspiration.

    So our honeymoon period is over, and we got into a fight.  Not really a fight, but he did something that really annoyed me, so I brought it to his attention.  He did it again, and I was pissed and let him know.  We solved it calmly, he apologized and understood what he did was wrong, but he kept saying, “Thanks for being so straightforward and honest.  I really like that.”  Well, honestly, I wasn’t being honest for him.  I was just so upset that I needed to say something.  I mean, no way in hell was I going to put up with that.  He needed to know now that what he was doing had to stop before we’re ten months in and he’s still doing it and I blow up at him out of nowhere.  
    That’s exactly why he thanked me.  I’m just assuming that his last girlfriend did that, but I don’t get it.  If something annoys me enough for me to visibly be upset, why would I keep it to myself?  I mean, I know how to pick and choose my battles, but why would anyone just let someone treat them in a way that’s hurtful?  It needs to be acknowledged and fixed, cuz ain’t nobody got time for that passive-aggressive shit.  And by now, I have zero tolerance.  I’m not going to put up with being treated in a way that hurts me.  If I don’t bring it up now, I’m just letting him off the hook, and he’ll continue to upset me.  On top of that, I don’t want to get into full-fledged arguments anymore.  They’re so emotionally and physically draining.  Plus, I look really ugly crying, and Kleenex is fucking expensive.  Calm communication is key.  
    On another note, I’ve planned a trip to LA on April 11-14th.  If you’re in the area and would like to meet up let me know!

February 20, 2013

  • Privacy

    So I have the password to my boyfriend’s computer.  He also leaves himself logged into his email and Facebook at all times, meaning I have access to almost everything and anything of his.  For whatever I may need, I can just click forget password and have it sent to his email (I thought about the possibility of doing this, but never really had a reason to).  

    One time I was left alone in his apartment, and being an internet addict I use his computer to go online.  I got bored and remembered my unrestricted access.  
    What did I do?  Look through computer to find his porn stash.  Hey, I was really just curious what he was into.  Unfortunately I found nothing.  :[  I even looked through his internet history to see if he streamed or not.  I so disappoint.

February 17, 2013

February 10, 2013

  • On Persistence

    Tonight was my first real night out in a while.  I have quit drinking for health reasons for a while now, so I haven’t really had a reason to join my friends at our usual spot lately.  Tonight I came out with my girlfriend just for the hell of it.  I didn’t drink (other than two shots that were forced upon me).  But something happened tonight that got me wondering.

    Now before I start, I have to admit that it must be quite difficult for people (men specifically) to start up conversations with random women, although the bar/lounge scene is designated just for that.

    At this place I go to, I’m bound to get hit on.  Not being conceited, but it’s a sausage fest.  I really don’t know why since the perk of this lounge is that the bartenders are all hot guys.  Anyway, every time I’m there I’m hit on in an extremely persistent manner by both drunk and sober guys.  So as per usual, a guy hits on me.  I think the reason why I’m thinking about this is that he hit on me in the most juvenile way, like he watches too much How I Met Your Mother or something.  Now most guys will just start up a normal conversation with me but not this guy.  This guy tapped me on my arm and initially introduced me to his friend, who was apparently turning 29 that day.  It was quite obvious that wasn’t true judging by the look on his friend’s face.  He was obviously using his friend as a pawn to open up a conversation with me.  I wished his friend a happy birthday and returned to my conversation with my friends.  He interrupted me for a second time saying, “It’s his birthday.  You’re not going to tell him your name?”  I told him, “If you asked me for my name, I would tell you my name.”  I had a short conversation with him and his friend, and I honestly didn’t like where the conversation was going, so I turned back around to finish my conversation with my girlfriend.  He interrupted me for a third time, saying the birthday boy bought me a shot.  I declined vehemently, but he insisted since the birthday boy was buying me a shot.  /eyeroll
    Now, I haven’t really been out since I started dating my boyfriend, but I knew that if he became even more persistent, I would have to pull the “Look, I have a boyfriend” card on him.  But honestly, I made it very clear I wasn’t interested, turning my full back to him, closing him away from my line of sight.  This guy wasn’t even near drunk.  And this has happened multiple times before, where I will turn away from a conversation only to have the same guy insist on continuing a dying conversation.  Why do guys (people) do this?  Has anyone been successful in being persistent in this way?  I mean, it’s like putting a dollar in a broken vending machine, and when nothing comes out you put more money into it three or four more times.  In what other way can I show that I’m not interested without immediately telling them I have a boyfriend.  I just feel sometimes that can be too pretentious, so I’d rather save that if I can’t get them off my back.

February 2, 2013

  • Comfort

    I forgot what it’s like to seek comfort in people.  I had an awful day yesterday and kept composure all day.  After work, I went straight to my boyfriend’s place.  When I got there he was laying on the couch watching TV, so I laid down next to him and rested my head on his shoulder.  He asked me about what had happened, and I started getting choked up to the point I couldn’t respond without my voice cracking.  I tried to hide my tears, but since I wasn’t responding, my boyfriend looked down at me and saw I was crying.  He turned off the TV and held me closer.  Just that sense that someone honestly cares about how you’re feeling with that physical comfort made me feel that much better.  

    I honestly can’t remember the last time I had someone like that.  I’ve always had friends I could bitch and rant to, who will offer me perspective, but not friends who will make me feel like things will be okay.  None of my past boyfriends ever offered me that either.  While I dated my first two boyfriends, I was fixated on the notion that my emotions would be nothing but a burden (still true) that I never once sought them for comfort.  My last boyfriend didn’t do shit for me emotionally.  I would straight up tell him I needed someone to talk to, and he would tell me he was shopping and didn’t even think to dial my number.  This one, this one I find so much comfort in.  I promise I won’t take advantage of it.

January 16, 2013

  • Too Soon?

    Tomorrow marks two official months with my boyfriend. His mom is leaving for Taiwan and won’t be returning until March so he’s going home to New Jersey to spend time with her before she leaves.

    And he invited me to come along. While I’m extremely touched that he wants to introduce me to his mom, I can’t help but wonder if it’s too soon. I mean, this means he is taking this relationship seriously, but is it too soon?

January 1, 2013

  • It was a good year.

    I guess I should update since I haven’t written in a while.  I have time now and have no excuse not to write other than that I lack inspiration.  

    This year was truly amazing.  I made new and kept old friendships that I have a really good feeling about.  Never in my life have I felt so secure with the people I’ve surrounded myself with.  I feel that the people who I ended this year with within my closest circle of friends I will be able to depend on for a long time.  It’s just so unfortunate that we are all graduating this year.  We’ll be off in our new lives, in our new jobs, in our new places soon enough. 
    And I have graduated!  It was a long hard road, especially these last couple of semesters, but I finally finished, with a decent GPA.  I’m still looking for a job, which is probably the only downside of my year, but something will come to me.  I just need to try harder.  I’ve been able to realize that things don’t just happen because I deserve it.  I need to prove it, put all my efforts into it.  Nothing will be handed to me like it once was. 
    I understand myself better.  I know what I want in the relationships I form, and I know better than to hold onto something not up to my standard.  I know what I’m able to handle and what suits me.  I will no longer try to fit into a mold or try to appease someone when it’s not natural.  
    I did a lot of reflection this year.  As I look past on my years of undergrad, I’ve grown immensely.  Looking all the way to high school, I’m almost embarrassed.  I’ve become much more generous, but much less tolerant.  Hopefully it’s all for the better. 
    And I partied a shit ton this year.  Here’s to more fun and parties in 2013! 

December 25, 2012

December 8, 2012

  • It’s True

    Viet girls are fucking crazy. 

    When I’m dating, my craziness comes out.  When I’m single, I’m perfectly fine, just pleasing myself, not a care about anything or anyone except my own happiness.  
    And, thanks to a very specific turn of events, I have a boyfriend now.  I would like to thank Hurricane Sandy for making this all possible.  Remember when people doubted I would stay single for long?  Well, nyahhhhh, stayed single since then.  Wait… this is a lose-lose situation. 
    Anyway, I met the nicest guy ever (and yes, I’m really into nice guys), made my move, and now we’re dating.  So far it’s been good, and I’ve been quite happy.  Just, I’m not really good at the whole girlfriend thing.  I just get so insecure and worried I’m pushing him away by things I do.  I drive myself crazy and end up looking crazy as a result.  I’m slowly working on it, since he truly is a nice guy, and he really cares for me.  I haven’t been so happy in such a long time.  
    Now, it’s time to cram and study.  Dead week lies ahead.  Until next time.

November 22, 2012

  • This Thanksgiving I’m Thankful to have Actually Made it Home

    I’m currently sitting at home back in Nebraska watching Iron Chef with my sisters while we wait for Thanksgiving dinner.  I’m really lucky to even had made it tonight.  My life is overly dramatic, and yesterday was no exception.  Let’s just say holiday travel is a bitch. 

    I was supposed to fly out on a direct flight from Newark to Omaha at 7:15.  So I leave my apartment at around 3:45, hoping to get to Penn Station around 4:15 to take a train to the airport.  Unfortunately, I was being an idiot, and I took the wrong subway line, which was farther away from my apartment and Penn Station than the correct line.  I get to Penn Station around 4:45, and it’s crazy.  Lines to get tickets for NJ Transit were ridiculous.  I unfortunately choose the wrong line to get in, so I saw the lines by me fly past.  I finally get on a train at 5:15 to depart at 5:23.  There was a train that departed at 5:12, but I missed it just by a couple minutes.  My train was the next to leave, and all of a sudden they announce there was a switch malfunction and the trains were delayed indefinitely.  Penn Station shut down for an hour and a half on the busiest travel day of the year. My phone was dying, and my mother wasn’t picking up the phone.  I needed to reschedule my flight before I left the station so I knew which airport to get to. There’s a bunch of coulda shoulda woulda that would have gotten me home on time, but unfortunately that’s not how things panned out.  I didn’t get in contact my mom until my phone was dead (used a kind stranger’s phone) after we finally left the station.  I could have made it home if I fly out from LaGuardia in Queens, but I was already heading to Newark by that time.  The travel agent told my mom that my flight actually was delayed by half an hour so I had a chance to make it on time.  I was hoping I would just make it to the check-in desk before the flight departed so they could expedite me through check-in and security.  
    As soon as the train gets to Newark, everyone who is getting off at the stop jets out of there.  There I was, unathletic beyond belief, running with my carry-on, up and down escalators and stairs.  I get to the ticketing desk, and the agent lets me skip the line understanding my situation and informs that the plane has left.  It was only 7:25 at that point.  I couldn’t complain about the false hopes the travel agent gave me since I was already on my way to Newark anyway, but I felt so defeated that I couldn’t help but break down and cry.  The agent working with me tried his best to find me a flight back home, but the best he could do is for me to fly to Houston, overnight there, and fly out to Omaha at 8:45 and arrive at 11:00.  The next choice was to arrive in Omaha after 3 in the afternoon.  Considering my family usually celebrates Thanksgiving lunch, that was out of the question.  I readily accepted the flight to Houston and frantically called all my friends who lived in Houston.  My number one was leaving to Mexico that night, another was planning on going to Houston but decided to go the next day.  Several of my Houston friends also decided to stay in New York for the break.  
    I boarded the flight assuming I’d be sleeping in the airport, and as I board, I saw a familiar face.  A classmate and friend of mine was on the same flight as me going home to Houston.  Fortunately he let me stay at his place, and he sent me off the next morning.  (I was such a burden.)  Thankfully, I did make it back to Omaha, and I’m about to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner (revised from our usual lunch to accommodate my brother’s schedule).  
    I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving, and please, if you take anything away from this story, leave several hours ahead of your flight the day before Thanksgiving.  :D