Uncategorized

  • This is What my Ex Has to Say About Me

    So, I have a Tumblr.  I don’t follow my ex anymore, but several of my friends still do.  And this is what they saw:

    100% this is about me.  I’m not that great?  I’m a cunt?  Okay, well let’s make something very clear.  YOU are not that great, and I faked every fucking orgasm to save your goddamn ego. I mean honestly, what girl can orgasm six times in ten minutes?
    Anyway, better stories soon.  
  • The Weather’s Changing

    But I’ll always be hungry.

  • On Assholes

    It’s been said time and time again that women are attracted to assholes.  While that may be true, don’t make the assumption that nice guys will never get the girl.  It’s not the nice guy that gets friendzoned.  It’s the boy that acts like a little bitch that gets friendzoned.  Let me draw the distinction for you. 

    A nice guy is a guy that is nice.
    A little bitch is a guy that’s way too afraid to go for what he wants until it’s way too late.  A little bitch is passive-aggressive and hopes that all his efforts will be noticed.  I find that quite ironic since men always complain that women aren’t straight forward with what they want, but these guys do it, and they get to complain that we don’t take the hint.  A little bitch lets himself get used and abused by girls.  The obvious mentality is, women by nature want someone who can protect them (in whatever means that may be: physically, monetarily, emotionally, etc).  If a guy is willing to be taken advantage of like that and can’t even protect himself, then how will a woman entrust her safety to him? 
    An assertive, ambitious guy who chases after girls he wants isn’t necessarily an asshole.  That’s the reasoning why girls like assholes, right?  A nice guy can do that, too.  It’s about making your intentions clear.  If you remember that video from a while back, about if girls and guys can truly just be friends, all the girls said yes, while guys said no.  It shows that women think they can befriend guys without anything more.  Unless otherwise stated, girls will always think that you two are just friends.  
    To be quite honest, I don’t date assholes.  Something about cockiness and their all too obvious games is so juvenile.  To me, assholes are just for pure entertainment value.  However, the last couple legitimate dates I’ve agreed to go on were with guys who gave me the impression that they were genuinely nice guys.  None of these guys were friendzoned, rather there were other underlying reasons why we didn’t work out. 
    I’m attracted to men with charisma.  Little bitches tend to lack this certain characteristic.  Yes, charisma is prevalent in assholes, but I’ve met plenty of nice guys who have charisma.
    Also, just a note, being rejected and being friendzoned aren’t the same thing.  Also, I don’t reject the idea that some women like assholes, but I’m just making a distinction that it’s not the nice guys that get friendzoned.  
  • Today is an Instagram Kind of Day

    I guess I lied earlier.  I wasn’t back soon, and I probably won’t be for a while.  I’m even neglecting my Xanga BFF.  School is picking up, recruiting is in full motion, and I’m still working part-time.  Homework is piling on, and I have three interviews tomorrow!  Wish me luck!
  • A Letter to My Sister

    My sister just started college at Notre Dame last week.  I basically raised my two sisters, so naturally I’m a bit overprotective.  Along with alcohol education, rape prevention, and school advice, looks like she’ll be needing some boy guidance as well.  She’s inexperienced in that department, but being the adorable girl she is, she has a lot of guys chasing after her already.  I mean, college is one of those places that make it so easy to meet people, and many guys don’t have the best intentions.  I’ve been through all that.  So here is my advice to her. 

    I know my sister reads my Xanga, so she’ll definitely read this.  SO READ IT ALL, MICHELLE.
    1. Don’t date a guy who doesn’t have similar interests with you.  You’ll end up taking up all his interests trying to impress him.  The thing about good relationships is that it should be effortless.  Trying to impress your boyfriend or girlfriend means there’s something wrong there. 
    2. Don’t date anyone who you’re not absolutely comfortable with.  No, I’m not talking about being so comfortable that you guys fart in front of each other (but I mean, if that’s cool with you, then sure).  I mean the type of comfortable that you can talk to him about whatever comes to mind.  You should never be afraid that what you’re about to say might push him away or that you’re always walking on eggshells when you’re talking to him.  Communication should be open and free, otherwise, you’ll be too afraid to bring up problems in the relationship, and he’ll get away with treating you like shit. 
    3. Don’t date anyone who doesn’t have Facebook.  I understand some people deactivate their Facebook in times of need or fasts or to see if they can do without it, but from my experience, people who don’t have Facebook always have something to hide.  On top of that, if the guy doesn’t add you, but shows his interest in you, that definitely means he’s hiding something.  

    With all seriousness aside, when you have a bunch of guys chasing you, make them fight to the death Hunger Games style.  Or just follow my motto:

  • Enjoy

    this picture of me.  :D

     

    Those are all old shopping bags plus one for school supply shopping.
    Also, in tribute to @coolmonkey‘s Boner Wars of 2012.  
  • @Cakalusa’s Debonerfest 2012

    #debonerfest2012 

    Because I have nothing to write about.  
    With makeup:

    Without:
    ^___^
  • Overdone

    You know when you order a steak medium, and it comes out well done?  You try to appreciate it because you know, it’s still steak after all.  You find parts of it  juicy and delicious, but for the most part it’s tough to chew. 

    That’s the perfect analogy for my story.  
    In my previous post, I mentioned I went on a date.  I met this guy about two and a half weeks ago while out with friends.  He was a friend’s friend, so when he asked for my number, I wasn’t extremely reluctant.  (On top of that I was trying to get another guy jealous/pissed off, but that’s a whole different story.)  He called me to go out the next weekend and he was so gentlemanly.  We went out clubbing, he paid for absolutely everything (which included four $8 water bottles), and when I was throwing up in KTown, he held my hair and got in a cab with me.  He let me sleep on his lap in the cab, and he carried me from the cab to my apartment, gave me a hug, and headed back to KTown.  Being as nice as he was, I readily accepted when he asked me to dinner.
    The date was the most perfectly planned date I’ve ever been on.  We go to One if by Land, Two if be Sea, which is one of the most romantic restaurants in the city.  I already figured it was too much, but he insisted.  He picked me up with a beautiful bouquet of white roses, and we ordered from the regular menu, not the less tasty Restaurant Week menu.  Prior to picking me up, he got me a red velvet cake, dropped it off at the restaurant, and surprised me by having the waitress bring it out at midnight, exactly my birthday.  He dropped me off, asked me for a second date, which I said yes to, and kissed me on the forehead and left.
    But this is where things go wrong.  
    The next day, he leaves an extremely cheesy video on my wall wishing me happy birthday.  Sort of marking his territory, like he was a dog pissing all over my Facebook.  I had gone on one date with this guy and had known him for only about a week and a half, so understandably, I was extremely embarrassed.  I couldn’t even bring myself to watch the video.  I eventually took it down because I was so embarrassed over it.  
    The day after that, he sends flowers to my office.  I barely know this guy.  I had to pick them up at the front desk and carry them through the office to my desk.  Everyone was asking me who sent me flowers, is he my boyfriend, and honestly, he was nothing to me, so it was just all too embarrassing saying it was a guy I’ve been on one date with.  And furthermore, he expected me to carry that on the subway during rush hour home. 
    I’m not really one for cheese.  I love sweet gestures, but cheesy stuff makes me feel very uncomfortable.  I’ve even told him that, and he continued to do those things.  He bought flowers on top of flowers for me to the point where I have nowhere to keep them.  He’s trying to shortcut his way to being my boyfriend by forcing all this stuff on me.  On top of that, I’ve learned from friends that this guy has a bad reputation.  I’m not entirely sure what it entails, but it’s either he’s a player or he’s just creepy.  Either way, it makes me very reluctant to open up to him.  He knows my reservations, and he retorts with, “Any other girl would be in love with me by now.”  The thing is, so what?  You don’t continue doing something I’ve openly expressed I don’t like figuring I’ll like it eventually.  
    We have a date planned for this Sunday.  He’s already planned it out.  Unsure of how all this will pan out, but we’ll see. 
  • It’s All Downhill from Here

    As many of you know my birthday is coming up!  This Thursday, I’ll be turning 21, and that’s basically the last of all the cool birthdays.  So from here on out, I’ll be grieving over my age and drinking myself to oblivion (as I have no more barriers).

    I know all of you were struggling to find me the perfect birthday present, and don’t worry, I graciously accept all late presents in the form of chocolate, red velvet, lingerie, or cool mint Oreos.  
    And for all the NYC kids, I’m having my party at Circle.  If you want, stop by and contribute to the shitshow!  Stay tuned for pictures. 
    And yes, I know I haven’t been posting as of late, but there has been no inspiration.  I may have a couple stories to tell here and there, but nothing I feel like writing a post about.  Let’s hope my birthday will be interesting enough to entertain all my loyal subscribers. <3
  • How to: Be a Creeper

    This a topic that I have much first-hand experience with, as well as second-hand experience.  Let me bequeath to all of you the abundant knowledge that I possess.

    This is written from my perspective, so said creeper is going to referred to in male pronouns and said victim will be referred to in female pronouns.  Don’t get all butthurt that I’m being sexist.

    1. Interrogate the shit out of her.  When you know she’s out, ask here where she is, ask her who she’s with, ask her how long she’s going to be out.  Oh and don’t forget, you’re not her boyfriend, so give her some attitude too when she says she’s going to be out for a long time, even though she wasn’t going to visit you after she got back anyway.  She never visits you, but I mean, now you know she’s doing something instead of visiting you, so you deserve to throw a bitch fit!
    2. And on that note, just get upset at her as if you’re entitled to.  She shouldn’t be fraternizing with anyone anyway.  She parties too much, so make sure she knows how pissed you are every time she goes out by rolling your eyes and giving her a tone.  She should be getting your permission to go out anyway!  She wants to leave when you invited yourself to hang out with her?  It’s totally unfair to you!  She’s being completely inconsiderate!
    3. Make sure you find a day to hang out with her.  If it’s not tomorrow, ask for the next day.  If not then, ask about the next day.  Ask about the next day until she finally tells you she’s free.  Ask her to dinner then, and when she tells you she needs to cook at home, tell her to cook for you, because that’s what a woman should do for a man.
    4. If you know she’s free at that point in time, take advantage.  Invite yourself over to her place.  Overstay your welcome, and when she needs to get ready for bed, tell her you don’t want to leave and fall asleep on her couch.  Now she’ll have to sleep with you!
    5. Make sure she didn’t miss your text.  Your text has gone unanswered for a couple hours, days, or weeks.  Make sure you keep texting her.  She might have missed it.  There’s no way she could have been ignoring you.
    6. When you do have a chance to talk to her, make unwarranted sexual comments.  She has to go shower?  ”Oh you go shower, you dirty girl.”  Haven’t talked to her in a while?  Hit her up with, “I bet you’re so wet right now.”  That sure is going to turn her on.  Throw in a couple winky faces, and you’re good.
    7. Don’t forget, she always reciprocates the same feelings as you.  She straight up turned you down and rejected you?  There’s no way a girl is that forward.  She definitely was on her period and couldn’t think straight.  Let her know you figured it out and give her another chance to give you the right response.  

    All examples based on true stories.