My mom told me the cutest thing.  She had told my dad that I would be calling early in the morning before I left the country so he set out his cell phone on his nightstand waiting for my call all night. 

All my life I had been trying to get away from what I had, but I’ve finally come to realize how much the people around me love me.  All this time I’ve taken it for granted, and only now do I appreciate it.

I know I’ve wanted this all along, but now I just want to be with them, the people I love and the people that love me.

After talking to my friend last night, who has the tendency to get friendzoned, I was thinking about how dating is all a game.  It’s a series of calculated moves in order to get certain reactions out of the other.  I personally don’t believe that the dating game really results in successful, happy relationships too often, but as most people, I feed into it.  Girls who apparently hate the game, still play.  The guys who hate the game, have to all play eventually.  Basically, in the end, the game is all about playing coy.  I truly believe that successful relationships stem from just the opposite, being completely vulnerable and preparing for the worst, but that’s beside the point.

The point here is that we all play coy in the dating game, so no one really knows how successful their efforts are.  So the game tends to drag on longer than need be.  But if dating was like Pokemon, every move would be accompanied by a comment about how successful the gesture was.  Now if it doesn’t work, then it’s time to give up, but if it does, then it’s time to progress the relationship.  How easy would life be if we had a commentator that only knows 3 different phrases?

He gave her a Tiffany necklace.  IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE.

I don’t understand why there’s such a controversy over this.  Every once in a while there’s a huge slew of posts about it, about how supposedly Asian girls want to be more like white people, etc.  (Or Tyra just has to have a show dedicated to it.)  One just popped up on Lovelyish, and it’s damn annoying.  No one questions the antics of white people and their aesthetics.  It’s always non-white people, and somehow it always leads to us wanting to look white.  Nope.  Every culture has their view of beauty.  Like that one African tribe that likes long necks and wears rings around their necks to elongate them.  They don’t want to be giraffes, do they?

The point is, aesthetics are always based around what is considered wealthy, luxurious, and hard to find.  Asians work in the field so they get tan, but if you work in the field then you’re deemed poor.  So rich people were pale.  That’s the basic “history” behind wanting to be pale.  However, why can’t we just want to look pale?  This is the hardest thing for white people to understand, because they just love being tan.  Them being tan doesn’t count as them disregarding their heritage, but if Asians (and even other cultures like Indians, Hispanics, and even Africans) want to become paler, it’s because we want to be like the white man.  Big eyes are/were just an uncommon thing for Asians to have, so people covet it.  Asian people want high noses because of the same reason.  Plus, does anyone really want small eyes and round noses?  White people make fun of our stereotypical eyes all the time.  It’s not because of that that we dislike small eyes, but it’s the fact that most people of all cultures just find it unattractive.  Big eyes and high noses are just all in all more attractive.  Most people would agree.  We don’t want to look like white people.  I have not once met an Asian person with this sort of view on aesthetics that idolized a white person’s looks. 

White people really need to stop being so full of themselves.  And our own culture needs to stop propelling this thought.  We shouldn’t need to explain why we prefer certain things.  If I wanted to look white, I’d do things white people do, like tan, use bronzer, etc.

In a lot of long relationships, the woman tends to complain that the romance is gone.  This is due to one or both of two reasons:  that the woman gets easier or the man becomes more efficient. 

In the beginning stages of a relationship, the woman is generally reluctant to sleep with a man she hasn’t gone on X amount of dates with.  The man, then, wines and dines her, buys her flowers, in order to break that barrier as soon as possible.  After X amount of dates, the woman won’t put be as hesitant to sleep with the man, and he won’t need to wine and dine her anymore. 

Also, in the beginning stages of sleeping with each other, there tends to be an immense amount of foreplay.  To be honest, it’s not for you, ladies.  It’s so that man can figure out her buttons, where she’s sensitive, and whatnot.  That’s why it’s taking so long.  So after he’s figured out what gets her wet, he just targets those areas.  She gets horny quicker, and the romance factor dissipates.  After a while, he just wants to get it in. 

Guys think they’re so clever.  Actually, I must hand it to them, they are.  I mean, how else are they going to bed girls as easily as some guys do?  But you know what?  I’ve my fair share of guy friends, and I’ve learned all the tricks of the trade.  I see through your ploys.  I’m not going to fall for them anymore!

Starting with the tickle wars.  Like, honestly, who knew?!?!  Tickle wars always end up with some sort of intimacy because you two get close in the process, touching each other and all that good stuff.  Then bam next thing you know, you’re naked and moaning.  What?  Weren’t you just being tortured a second ago?

Cold weather always is an excuse to cuddle up with someone.  Far too obvious, but now there’s something new to look out for.  Whilst walking in cold weather, said guy will ask you if you’re cold.  You reply yes, he grabs your most likely frigid bare hands to warm them up, and then you end up holding hands.  The thing is, I mean as cute as it is, you don’t wanna hold hands in cold weather.  You wanna put your hands in your pockets to protect them.  Thus why I have invested in a pair of gloves.  Can’t warm up a pair of gloves.

Study groups are extremely helpful in college (but mostly distracting).  Study PAIRS is asking for a make out session.  While studying, you always isolate yourself and whoever else you’re studying with from anyone else.  So it’s just you two.  “Studying.”  Ambiance is nice.  Quiet usually and facing each other.  You lean over to borrow his eraser, and he leans over and kisses you.  Easy as that. 

“OMG YOU’VE NEVER SEEN THAT MOVIE?  We’ll have to watch it together sometime.”  Movies in pairs always lead to cuddling, because it’s just awkward when two people are sitting on a couch in a dark room apart from each other.  Then we all know what happens after cuddling.

And last but not least, “Party tonight.  You should come.”  Enough said. 

People naturally give out the most logical advice.  It just happens.  People most likely see situations in an arbitrary perspective and are able to give detached and succinct advice.

But strangely, no one can TAKE advice.  Even if it’s the same advice doled out, no one can seem to take their own advice.  They feel that their situations are special, that advisers don’t understand the entire situation, etc.  But what they fail to realize is that they’re just afraid of upsetting their status quo.  That’s why they refuse to take advice.  When people give advice, it’s not their own status quo that’s being upset, so there’s nothing to lose.  But when it’s your own, you become overprotective of the situation and afraid of change.  As humans, we are afraid of change, because what it may bring is uncertainty, and uncertainty is unsettling. 

I think it’s difficult to find an attractive girl who’s secure.  Most people find this confusing and strange, but it all makes sense to me.  Looks are the basis of most judgments, so looks must be maintained.  However, looks come and go.  They’re so volatile.  Pretty girls will usually depend on their looks for assurance and acceptance (note, I did not say they manipulate people with their looks), because that’s what people will initially notice about them.  So it’s natural for them to feel insecure.  Looks have no secure foundation.

For those that aren’t so fortunate to have good looks, they are much more fortunate with their self-esteem.  They’ve learned to build a foundation from their personality and wit, rather than relying on looks to build their self-esteem.  Personality is much more stable.  They have no need to worry about their personality suddenly going bad. 

Security truly stems from the feeling of being accepted by most.  When you’re accepted by something like looks that’s so unstable, it’s hard to be secure.

After tonight, I’ve been reflecting on the choice of guys I’ve decided that I liked.  Most of them are attractive.  The only ones that weren’t were just around long enough to grow on me, and I just get used to them.  I push away any guy that I’m not immediately physically attracted to.  I find it difficult to become attracted to just purely personality traits.  I can be friends with most guys.  I relate to guys well, converse with guys well, befriend guys well.   I guess the personalities of guys just become less and less significant, and I then tend to place more weight on looks. 

And for guys to grow on me is for a guy to give me constant romantic attention, because I feen for it.  I become completely attracted to the attention and not necessarily the guy. 

I become attracted to new guys quickly, not ones that have already been in my life.  That’s why it’s so difficult to move out of the friendzone.  I like the excitement of meeting someone new and getting to know them. 

I’m confused with the guys I reject.  I just rejected a really nice guy today.  He does almost anything for me, spoils me to the core, but for some reason, I don’t want him.  He’s been a friend too long, and I’ve gotten to know him too well.  There’s no excitement.  And I know all his flaws.  And I feel we wouldn’t be compatible. 

But why do I feel like I made the wrong decision?

Ever since the beginning of time, I’ve NEVER been able to befriend girls very well.  NEVER EVER EVER.  I feel like I have the affinity to be hated by girls or something.

At my OWN FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY (co-ed of course because you just invited everyone in your class), these girls ganged up on me and got all pissy at me because my dad let me win the play-doh contest.  Hey, I made the best yellow play-doh snakes possible.  Don’t hate.

In the third grade, there was this apparently exclusive club that every single girl in my grade was allowed to join except me.

Once, I was driving, and I was randomly flipped off and cursed out by a girl classmate of mine who I have never talked to nor talked about.  I don’t even know her name.  I just know she went to school with me.

When I first came to New York, I had a friend in the area, and he took me around the city.  As we went around, he asked me, “Why do girls give you dirty looks everywhere we go?”  Yeah, beats me.

As I was getting to know people in my cohort during welcome week, someone commented that this girl and me looked similar.  I say, “Hahaha.  No not really.”  She says, “I do NOT look like HER.”  HEY I’M NOT UGLY, BITCH.  TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT.

Fall semester, I literally had no girlfriends, besides my roommate, but then again, I had very few friends in general.  I guess I could blame my then-boyfriend. 

I still hear about girls who I barely know talking shit about me behind my back. 

Saleswomen are the MEANEST to me.  I see them helping a man before me, being super duper polite, and here I am expecting the same treatment, being completely cheery, only to be given the rudest service ever.

Just now, some random girl I was playing OMGPOP with just started talking shit.  Conversation went as follows (this isn’t edited in the slightest nor taken out of context):
Her: mary
Me: ?
Her: ur flat
Me: thanks…
[I win game]
Her: yay flat girll
Her: chink
Her: god chinks are weird

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS?!?!?!