Yep, you know it.  My boyfriend is a mama’s boy.  Not only does that mean I’m always second in line, but it means I have to put up with his mama’s boy antics.  If you happen to date one too, here’s a couple tips.

1. Understand the ties of family.  I know how it’s like, to want to be first priority, but bumped down to second.  We all know the saying, though: family comes first.  Yeah, you’re his girlfriend and all, and yeah, you’re getting naked, getting pounded every night, but his mommy carried him in her uterus for nine months and let his whole body pass through her vagina.  So yeah, you’re second.
2. Be prepared that your privacy is shared with his mom.  Although he may not want to share, his mom will probe him for information, be it about what dates you’ve been on, if you’re on the pill, how often you have sex, etc.  And no, these are not just examples.  This is what my boyfriend’s mom knows about me.  It’s pretty humiliating, but if you can talk to her without thinking of any of these things, you’re good.  
3. He will consult his mom, not you, for every decision he makes.  Not that he won’t consider you, but his mom is the final decision.  It’s frustrating to know that all your advice might go to waste as soon as his mom opens his mouth, but he values his mom’s opinion more than yours.  Just remember, you’re the naggy girlfriend, and she’s his angel mommy.
4. Sit back, because he will know how to do chores.  This is the best part of dating a mama’s boy.  He’s used to cleaning up for his mom, doing dishes, vacuuming, making the beds, what have you.  And he somewhat enjoys doing it, because you know, he’s a mama’s boy, and he doesn’t ever complain to his mom, especially when she asks him to do something for her.  He’ll be so used to it, he won’t even mind doing chores for you. 

After two weeks, I finally have a fully furnished room.  Bed, dresser, mirror, desk, and chair.  Everything is set up, everything has a place.  It puts me at ease to finally  know I’m officially settled in.  All I’m waiting on is a futon for the living area.  We have no lighting fixtures, so only standing and desk lamps, which create nice atmosphere.  I’m overall really happy about my apartment.  My roommate and I have gone to many of our friends’ new apartments, and honestly, none compare.  With how much we pay, we really do get a lot, compared to others.  We don’t have to worry about bugs, rats, and other pests.  We have a door man, front desk, and a laundry room in the building.  We have a beautifully decorated lounge with two pool tables, three HD TVs, couches galore, free WiFi, and a gym complete with sauna.

I’m quite content.  Here’s a glimpse at my apartment, but more of me photo whoring than anything.

Because honestly, life doesn’t make sense sometimes.

1. Why men have nipples.  They don’t lactate!  They don’t breastfeed.  They don’t bear children.  Why does this exist?
2. Fat vegetarians.  Seriously.  How is this possible?  Veggies don’t have cholesterol or trans fat.  There isn’t high calorie content.  Unless your diet is all sugar, I really don’t get this.
3. How to fold fitted sheets.  You know, I try to be neat.  I like to fold things, because if not, there’s just a big ball of shit in my closet.  But fitted sheets… how do you fold those?

Just saying.

So I’m back in the city in my new apartment in FiDi.  (Don’t stalk me, please.)  Anyway, I’m having a great time in this smoldering hot city where I step outside and I sweat.  But hey, at least there’s a plethora of food options, less of a risk of getting run over, and no diarrhea running rampant.

My new apartment, my room at least, is completely bare.  I have nothing but what I brought home from China (3 suitcases of clothes).  I also left a bunch of shoes with my boyfriend, so they’re here too.  I went to Ikea, and the bed I want is out of stock, so instead of paying two delivery fees, I’ve decided to wait for it to come back in stock.  In the meantime, I’ve been sleeping in my roommate’s bed.  She has this really ghetto loft that squeaks and shakes anytime you toss or turn.  But there is something that came up.  We both wake up during the night a lot.  We don’t acknowledge it, but I know when she’s awake, and I’m pretty sure she knows when I’m awake.  However, last night, there was this constant rhythmic shaking of the bed.  She wasn’t tossing or turning, and it wouldn’t stop.  Basically, I’ve concluded that she was masturbating.  I’m absolutely sure because I looked over discretely without her knowing, and I saw her blanket moving in a telling motion and area.

I’ve decided that I’m going to go to Ikea today, and if it’s not in stock, I’m getting a futon.

I decided to do Cakalusa’s Accent Challenge.  Check there for the list of words.  I’m not wearing makeup, and I sound kind of stupid.  Whatevs.

I’m going to pull a Cakalusa and post a reel of food.  But mostly to document the difference in prices compared to America and China.  You know, an “decent” dinner is the equivalent of 10 dollars here in China.  In America, that’s a steal.  My good friend took me to eat at this upscale, four-course plus appetizer wine, mid-dinner cocktail, and post-dinner beverage.  It was absolutely delicious, and the ambiance was so fancy.  But, I was thinking about how much this would cost in America, and I figure it would run a couple hundred dollars.  But in China, a person is the equivalent of 50 USD.  It’s amazing.  My friend who took me out told me that even though it’s upscale, many middle class people can afford it.  You don’t need to be absolutely rich to afford something like this.  No wonder Chinese people think Americans are Gods.  They have so much spending power here.  Expats are so damn spoiled.  I hate them so much, but I’ll write something about that later.  In the meantime, please enjoy the following food pictures. 

So, I became a bit nostalgic of my prom, and I decided to post a photo reel of sorts.  Scroll for beautiful pictures of me.  Hahaha.

Hair and makeup done by me.  If anyone cares.

When I was at orientation for my study abroad program, my program director emphasized that “Chinese food in China is SOOO much better than Chinese food in America.”  But you know what?  It’s not.  Chinese food in China is 10x cheaper than Chinese food in America, so let’s just think about even how much worse the quality is and how much more MSG is in it.  It seriously isn’t that much better at all.  To get delicious Chinese food, you have to go to a higher scale restaurant, which will end up being a fusion restaurant, which kills the authenticity anyway. 

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, “But it’s not real _______ food!  Real ______ food is so much better!”  But I don’t understand how authenticity makes anything taste better.  It’s really annoying when I’m trying to enjoy my pseudo-authentic food, and someone tries to ruin my meal.  But you know what?  Fuck you.  I like my fake food.  It’s still delicious no matter what you say.  I still love Taco Bell and Chipotle, even though it’s nowhere near real Mexican food, and to be honest, I don’t like real Mexican food.  I still like Olive Garden, which is probably the fakest Italian food on the planet, although I do enjoy me some authentic Italian delicacy.  I know a few people who go to authentic Italian food places and bag on the pizza, because it simply does not taste as good as “fake” pizza.  Even with my own culture, I have to realize that they’re are some pretty tasty knockoffs.  Baoguette in NYC offers these super tasty banh mi, (Viet sandwiches) but they’re nothing like the real ones.  But I still recognize that they are pleasing to the mouth.  However, I’m digressing here, fake pho is disgusting.  Absolutely disgusting.

So seriously GTFO with your arrogant “authentic food” bullshit.  Food is food.  Authenticity doesn’t make it tasty.  I think it’s called ingredients.

There is something absolutely disgusting about an unfaithful person.  Someone who cannot love only their wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend.  It’s appalling that they can partake in disgusting lewd acts behind their partner’s back, yet go back to them without a guilty conscience, and continue as if nothing is going on.  Trust is forever broken, the image is forever marred.  For someone to take another for granted in that aspect is entirely selfish, greedy, and gluttonous.  Someone who gives their whole being up to another deserves the utmost amount of respect.  On top of it, it’s physically disgusting, physically disgusting to know that they can so easily sleep with someone other than their own partner.  Absolutely disgusting.  To have the image in their mind, that their significant other has shared the intimate moments they have together, with another.  I can’t even imagine it.

There’s something about Chinese culture that is about being the best and greatest in everything.  We all saw it during the open ceremony and the awards ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics.  There’s traces of it in the Shanghai Expo, and most importantly, the way the Chinese are developing their economy.  They’re all full force and pollute the environment until it’s done right.

Just think about it.  When have the Chinese done something mild?  It’s either outstanding or appalling.  It’s an entirely Machiavellian society.  But this push for the absolute best mentality, is it good or detrimental?  It’s apparent in all aspects of society, as Amy Chua duly noted. 

It’s much different than the utilitarian view of America, where mediocre is okay.  America is about “be happy with what you have,” whereas China is “you can do better.”  I mean, this is a legitimate statistic, but I read somewhere that 90% of Chinese women feel they need to lose weight, but 90% of American women feel that they are healthy. 

Just something to ponder.

But one question still remains, why doesn’t China have the biggest, best burrito?  Chipotleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.