If there was anything I learned in 2011, it was to be adamant in what I feel and not to be afraid to do something about it. I learned to let go of people who were deadweight in my life, when normally I would’ve kept them close. I let go of a boyfriend who I thought I loved who was in actuality selfish and a so-called best friend who was too self-absorbed to care for me as I did for him. Prior, I would’ve been too afraid to lose them. I learned to go for what I want, even though I don’t feel confident enough to succeed. I competed in the JP Morgan IB Risk case competition, with no knowledge of what risk management really was. Knowing I had to present in front of MDs was really nerve wracking but I went for it anyway, and I learned quite a bit. I got better with being afraid of looking stupid. I ask questions more often now, learning a lot, improving myself. I mean that’s what living is about.

Next year’s milestone: become more tolerant of people.

Have a happy new year, everyone!

In the dying days (months) of my last relationship, I was just generally unhappy with how I was being treated. We got into fights often over the same thing over and over again, and I asked him to change. Every time, he would say, “You shouldn’t want to change me. You should love me for who I am.” That’s one of those phrases that you really can’t respond to. Why? Because what the fuck does that even mean? It’s not that the phrase is so utterly true that there is nothing you can say back, but rather, it’s just so baffling. “You should love me for who I am” means one of two things: “You don’t love me if you want me to change,” or “You should tolerate me because you say you love me.”

While both are entirely huge guilt trips, we all know it’s the latter. After a certain point, after so many “I love you”s are exchanged, people feel entitled to their SO’s love. They feel they should be loved wholly and completely. Honestly though, no one is entitled to anything. No one should have to tolerate someone’s imperfections, especially if they’re hurtful and damaging. And no, I don’t have to love you for who you are. You will either change your habits, or I can’t be with you.

I’m not advocating changing someone’s whole person in order to be with them. I do believe you should be with someone you love, not someone you can change into someone you can love. But if someone is continually hurting you, they should see it in themselves to change, if THEY love you enough. The ball is really in their court.

Because phones aren’t for calling people anymore.

This is how I imagine my afterlife.

1. There will be warm tropical weather in the underworld. I mean, it’s basically like a volcanic island right? (eg. Hawaii)
2. The Devil will be my enabling best friend, encouraging me to do whatever I want.
3. No one to judge me because everyone else sucks too.
4. Don’t have to suck up to God anymore; he can’t smite me when I’m already in hell.

Might as well be optimistic about it, right?