This question has been on my mind lately. To be honest, I’m not really sure.
I grew up not really believing in love. That’s weird, right? A girl who grew up wanting to be a princess not believing in love? Well, for as long as I can remember, my parents were never happy with each other, but there was a time when they were “in love.” My dad used to tell this story about when he first laid his eyes on my mom. It was love at first sight. At that moment, he told himself that he was going to marry her one day and put forth all his efforts into getting her attention and impressing her. But when I was fifteen, I caught my dad cheating on my mom. I was always spoon fed the idea that love was forever, and this was not forever. At age 15, I believed that there was none of this everlasting love that everyone on TV talked about. Love was just some imaginary notion that people used to exaggerate their feelings for one another. This single moment completely shaped my entire life and still affects my life to this day. I couldn’t trust my father, and I started to resent my mother. Even though it was my father to blame, I didn’t want to end up like my mom. She was overbearing, and I wanted to be nothing like her. She eventually became my anti-role model.
But that only led me to have two naive, disastrous relationships once I started dating. I dated my first two boyfriends very briefly. Both relationships ended with them stomping all over my pride and me finding out later that they cheated on me. I never felt so destroyed, and I knew that only someone who I was so vulnerable to could make me feel this way. Whatever this love was–if it existed, that is–made people extremely attached and vulnerable, and I wanted nothing of it. I didn’t want to become attached to someone who could hurt me so badly. The pain was unbearable for me.
And then there was my third boyfriend. I didn’t even like him when we first started dating, but he put in so much effort into our relationship. I’d never have someone give me all that time and care before, so naturally I fell in love with him. He made me feel special and loved. But as it turned out, he didn’t care about me as much as he led me on to believe. He was selfish and manipulative, and I stayed in the relationship longer than I should have. The thing is, love convinces you that you’re happy, even when your dignity and principles are being stomped all over. Love makes you think as long as they’re happy, you’re happy, and I don’t think that’s right.
Now, I don’t know if I believe in love, and even if I do, I don’t know if I want it. All I know is I want to be happy, and I’m happy with my boyfriend. So that’s enough for me.
Comments (12)
I do not believe in love. I’ve never known the feeling.
I thought I knew of it. And she destroyed me. But best part about that was it made me into a better person. I know better and I see things differently. It took a while. I love to live and making people laugh. And whatever makes you happy is all that matters. Good luck to you
I believe in companionship. And from that, love will grow.
I believe in it but I don’t believe it is everything that other people say it is. It certainly isnn’t forever, and just love isn’t enough. It comes down to a lot of other things to make it work.
Drink some more!
I do believe in love, my parents were in love and are still in love with each other. Of course that didn’t stop me from dating losers at first before finding a man that had similar parents.
No. I think love is something people just imagine. There is no scientific evidence for the existence of love and I sure as hell don’t feel love myself.
Happiness is good for your health. Not always true with love.
I think love exist, just like a job that fits you exists; however not all people find that job. Not all people find love. But I think having that hope, having something to look forward to helps us. I dont think it hinders us. I think we need to be aware though that there is no perfect person or job, family or friend, something will always be faulty. So, I think it is possible but we have to do hard work and we are not guaranteed to find true love, especially if we dont do the work and/or have a too unrealistic and too idealistic and utopian view or romance, ya know.. all the warm fuzzies and none of the struggle or hurt that real life is always bound to have in its wake. It is part of our lot for existing, but think of all the other great things we get to expereince as well.
Love expressed outward is selfless – seeking the betterment of others at the same level or ahead of yourself. At its extreme it’s the force that motivates others to risk or give up their lives to protect someone else they care about. Love by definition is expressed by being giving/caring- and like you’ve stated- making the other person happy, makes the one in love happy. Relationships with mutual love is the ideal. If one side is abusing the love/trust given by the other, then that relationship has problems and won’t likely last.The inversion of outward love is the love of one’s self – self love, or selfishness. People in this state will find it incredibly difficult to find quality relationships because their main goal is to benefit themselves with little regard about the other person. If they do find someone who cares about them, it won’t last due to their selfish nature as you’ve experienced from your past bf.Love certainly exists since the other extreme, hate, is alive and well and no one would make the claim that hate isn’t real. Love, like any living thing, requires maintenance and work for it to grow and thrive.
Lol look at all of this philosophical bs above me. Love/relationships are for bored people wanting to occupy their time. Yes, love exists. Love exists in the sense that we evolved concentrated nerve bundles complex enough so that society as a whole can condition us to “love” and marry. Stop being obsess with the need to establish a relationship and you’ll find yourself much happier.
That’s pretty much the same place I’m in (just being happy with someone without being necessarily in love). I had one awful relationship that lasted for 3 years and then I was single for 3 years. I didn’t hate men, I just couldn’t be attracted to them for some reason, and I know it was because of my ex. The guy I’m with now is really an angel, and there are days I wish I could fall in love with him, but part of me is always glad I will have control over myself. We’ve been together for 2 years and I’ll be devastated if anything were to happen, but it wouldn’t make me go absolutely nuts again. It sounds like I don’t love him, but I do. The way he treats me like a princess and is always there for me has transformed my life in so many ways. But I haven’t completely lost myself in him and don’t know if I ever will.