February 10, 2013
-
On Persistence
Tonight was my first real night out in a while. I have quit drinking for health reasons for a while now, so I haven’t really had a reason to join my friends at our usual spot lately. Tonight I came out with my girlfriend just for the hell of it. I didn’t drink (other than two shots that were forced upon me). But something happened tonight that got me wondering.Now before I start, I have to admit that it must be quite difficult for people (men specifically) to start up conversations with random women, although the bar/lounge scene is designated just for that.
At this place I go to, I’m bound to get hit on. Not being conceited, but it’s a sausage fest. I really don’t know why since the perk of this lounge is that the bartenders are all hot guys. Anyway, every time I’m there I’m hit on in an extremely persistent manner by both drunk and sober guys. So as per usual, a guy hits on me. I think the reason why I’m thinking about this is that he hit on me in the most juvenile way, like he watches too much How I Met Your Mother or something. Now most guys will just start up a normal conversation with me but not this guy. This guy tapped me on my arm and initially introduced me to his friend, who was apparently turning 29 that day. It was quite obvious that wasn’t true judging by the look on his friend’s face. He was obviously using his friend as a pawn to open up a conversation with me. I wished his friend a happy birthday and returned to my conversation with my friends. He interrupted me for a second time saying, “It’s his birthday. You’re not going to tell him your name?” I told him, “If you asked me for my name, I would tell you my name.” I had a short conversation with him and his friend, and I honestly didn’t like where the conversation was going, so I turned back around to finish my conversation with my girlfriend. He interrupted me for a third time, saying the birthday boy bought me a shot. I declined vehemently, but he insisted since the birthday boy was buying me a shot. /eyerollNow, I haven’t really been out since I started dating my boyfriend, but I knew that if he became even more persistent, I would have to pull the “Look, I have a boyfriend” card on him. But honestly, I made it very clear I wasn’t interested, turning my full back to him, closing him away from my line of sight. This guy wasn’t even near drunk. And this has happened multiple times before, where I will turn away from a conversation only to have the same guy insist on continuing a dying conversation. Why do guys (people) do this? Has anyone been successful in being persistent in this way? I mean, it’s like putting a dollar in a broken vending machine, and when nothing comes out you put more money into it three or four more times. In what other way can I show that I’m not interested without immediately telling them I have a boyfriend. I just feel sometimes that can be too pretentious, so I’d rather save that if I can’t get them off my back.
Comments (18)
U and sober don’t mix!
Liquid courage side effect is to rob people of logic and sense. Glad u decide to part with alcohol for health reason.
Some guys think if they keep trying, they’ll get what they want. I’d say it’s usually guys that are trying to feed their egos, so the rejection somehow drives them even more. What some guys don’t understand is that you can’t keep trying to do the same shit if it didn’t work the first time. In your situation, the guy that was being persistent was trying to do work for his friend. It’s way easier to hit on a girl when you’re not trying to get her for yourself because if you fail, oh well, the girl wasn’t gonna be yours no matter what.As for how to show a guy you’re not interested, I’d suggest just saying, “Sorry, I’m not interested.” If they continue after that, then I’d say pull the boyfriend card so you can get them off your back faster. ‘Cause shiettttt, aint nobody got time for that.
“In what other way can I show that I’m not interested without immediately telling them I have a boyfriend.”When I go out with some of my ladyfriends and they get hit on by other guys at the bar, they simply say, “Sorry, I’m not interested.” Believe it or not, that works. And it doesn’t require any card-pulling or any other passive-aggressive bullshit. No need for maneuvering or any of that non-verbal stuff when you can just tell it to them as it is.
I totally agree with the boyfriend card coming off as a little pretentious. I’m always really reluctant to offer that information up. I probably would react the same way you did – turn my back and try my best to show him I’m not interested. I can’t recall if I’ve ever actually said, “Sorry, I’m not interested” like Alex & Q suggested. Guys keep trying because most girls will give in at some point. That or they run away. Can’t be more obvious than running away.
guys are dumb. you have to be more obvious and flatly state, “i’m not interested.” or you could simply just pour the shot on him and say, “leave me alone.” that’ll teach them to rethink things like persistence.
it’s not that they think they can keep trying that they’ll get want they want, they’re desperate for you, they don’t think, they see a hottie and just can’t seem to control themselves.to reason why a guy does things when it requires that they need to think is just not worth thinking about since they’re obviously not gonna thinkand to not drink, you can say you’re the DD tonight (smiles), just another thing to try if someone insists on buying you a drink
Get free shot/drinks. WORTH IT.
Sometimes, even having a boyfriend doesn’t prevent them from stopping. I remember back in high school when my girlfriend at the time kept telling at a guy at her school that she had a boyfriend, and he kept making remarks how I wasn’t enough for her to handle and that she should be with him and stuff. Guys like that just never get it.
Okay, some things:I don’t get why men buy chicks drinks that aren’t their girlfriends. If I were hitting on you, I’d start a conversation, but never offer to buy you a drink. Even when a chick asks me to buy her a drink, I fuck around with her for a while, only to leave the convo and not buy her a drink. That is one of the entitlements attractive women think they have when they go to a bar. Not me. It saddens me to think that men think they can buy women like that.The guy said his friend was 29? I’m surprised you weren’t turned off to both of them, as much as many women are like “no guys near/over 30″ I know this was an opener, but geez.If I don;t have anything else to say to you, I leave. I know the signals of women too, so I just say thanks for the talk and go on my way. There is always another woman.Of course you would have a boyfriend by now. What was I thinking? I suppose I haven’t been keeping up like I should.Happy New Year
Because American society praises persistence and that quitting is for losers. A lot of beliefs are too extreme and contradictory in this country.
I had no luck with gals at all. I finally found one that liked me and I married her.I guess the guy thought that since it was his birthday you might be more friendly. I would never talk to a lady that I did not know or had a proper introduction.
Some guys think if they keep trying, they’ll get what I want. Especially at a bar. I guess they’re thinking “she’s here so she’s looking to hook up and maybe if I ask enough she’ll just go for it”Some people just don’t know what “no” means.
I feel so bad declining people, I’m the type that would get sucked in just because I feel too bad to say no. I have recently started to do this thing, when guys are hitting on me/talking to me (I don’t really know if they’re hitting on me or just being friendly) and so I say well you can buy me a drink but you should know I have a boyfriend. (Even thought I don’t) so it’s not like I’m immediately saying get lost I have a boyfriend, but I bring it in after talking for a little bit so they know I’m not being pretentious. Well I hope that’s how it seems anyway! haha
I would proceed to make weird unattractive faces until my lack of interest drives them away.
Some guys just need a girl to be blunt.
His delivery each and every time was horrible. The first thing he needed to do was engage you with something witty to get your attention. When he failed to do that, he just repeated the same technique and would up just annoying you. Some guys just don’t know how to properly socialize.
@mkazama - He might mistakenly assume you’re having a seizure and attempt mouth to mouth.