September 30, 2012
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On Assholes
It’s been said time and time again that women are attracted to assholes. While that may be true, don’t make the assumption that nice guys will never get the girl. It’s not the nice guy that gets friendzoned. It’s the boy that acts like a little bitch that gets friendzoned. Let me draw the distinction for you.
A nice guy is a guy that is nice.A little bitch is a guy that’s way too afraid to go for what he wants until it’s way too late. A little bitch is passive-aggressive and hopes that all his efforts will be noticed. I find that quite ironic since men always complain that women aren’t straight forward with what they want, but these guys do it, and they get to complain that we don’t take the hint. A little bitch lets himself get used and abused by girls. The obvious mentality is, women by nature want someone who can protect them (in whatever means that may be: physically, monetarily, emotionally, etc). If a guy is willing to be taken advantage of like that and can’t even protect himself, then how will a woman entrust her safety to him?An assertive, ambitious guy who chases after girls he wants isn’t necessarily an asshole. That’s the reasoning why girls like assholes, right? A nice guy can do that, too. It’s about making your intentions clear. If you remember that video from a while back, about if girls and guys can truly just be friends, all the girls said yes, while guys said no. It shows that women think they can befriend guys without anything more. Unless otherwise stated, girls will always think that you two are just friends.To be quite honest, I don’t date assholes. Something about cockiness and their all too obvious games is so juvenile. To me, assholes are just for pure entertainment value. However, the last couple legitimate dates I’ve agreed to go on were with guys who gave me the impression that they were genuinely nice guys. None of these guys were friendzoned, rather there were other underlying reasons why we didn’t work out.I’m attracted to men with charisma. Little bitches tend to lack this certain characteristic. Yes, charisma is prevalent in assholes, but I’ve met plenty of nice guys who have charisma.Also, just a note, being rejected and being friendzoned aren’t the same thing. Also, I don’t reject the idea that some women like assholes, but I’m just making a distinction that it’s not the nice guys that get friendzoned.
Comments (46)
You make some good points, however, I wonder if you’ve ever been with one that you describe as “little bitch”? To me that sounds like that would be a shy person. Those can be very nice guys in my eyes. I met my future hubby (now married) in a club. Sure he was sitting by himself at the time, his friends were all out mixing it up, some even his on me and my GF. I noticed him there, sitting, quietly, relaxing and a few times I felt we connected, albeit out eyes. I eventually had to know more about this guy and trust me, that was the BEST thing I ever did.So shy or “little bitches”, lol, I’m sure my hubby would disagree, it’s all in the one looking. Assholes and cocky men are just not my type either.
True dat.
I’ve a “Legendary helm of Charisma” for +52 charisma.
I think that a lot of people, men and women, suffer from a lack of confidence for many different reasons. I dont think that makes any of them little bitches. Men usually grow out of angst and generally get it right enough to find someone in the end. There is no cure all to finding the right person though, and being charismatic has its own set of challenges and pitfalls.
*blush*
I agree with everything you said.
Yeah! So take off your clothes! No wait! I just want to be friends – you can leave them on! And besides – I am not an asshole – I am the WHOLE ASS! And married besides! But you have cute… ideas! Have a great day!
Assholes are fun.
Nice guys do get the girls. In many cases, it’s after the girl has exhausted her asshole options or needs a hard working grunt to support her needs once she figures out the assholes are too unreliable for that stuff, or that menopause is approaching. OR, she will hit up the nice guy for the support while she keeps the asshole on the DL. Sure, not all girls do that… but from what I’ve seen many of my guyfriends deal with, the girls who don’t do that are the exception, not the rule. (And don’t get me started on sleazeball guys who do the same shit to the nice girls)Here’s the deal – more guys AND girls should learn to be more assertive. You will gain nothing in the game of love by being shy, regardless of what gender you are. If you’re one of the nice guys who is too shy to ask girls out, you will probably not fare well in the dating game. And if you’re a girl who is too shy to ask guys out, the same can be said, too (and I tell my ladyfriends that making eyes at a guy across a bar does not count as making the first move, and if they think that, they’re just lazy and probably spineless). In the past it wasn’t so, but times are changing.
I don’t necessarily think it’s fair to label these guys as “little bitches”. Maybe they are if they are indeed resorting to passive aggressive behavior… But much of the other stuff put in the “little bitch” list isn’t fair.I don’t think it’s fair, in large part because the vast majority of females I know are passive and think that “come hither” looks from afar are adequate methods for gaining the attraction of men. I don’t think they are little bitches so much as they are just really lazy and risk-averse (understandable because studies have shown rejection is commonly experienced by humans in similar ways as being physically harmed).I’ve been friendzoned quite a bit in my life, and while it may have been true that I lacked assertiveness at those points in my life, I was also getting mixed messages from all different areas of my life regarding my sexuality as possibly being ‘predatory’ if I come on too strong, and being a complete loser if I don’t come on at all. For someone who didn’t have any experience at all at initiating, it seemed like an incredibly tough task to not “come on too strong” (especially when such a thing is so subjective among women).What women seem to want, is guys who let rejection slide off their chest… The problem with this expectation is that the only guys who are going to do this are guys who have become hardened, and often times resentful of the female sex because of it. Certainly not always, but this system is only producing more and more resentful men… Whether they are men not asserting themselves for women, or men who ARE asserting themselves for women. The way to combat this system is to get more women to stop being so passive and risk-averse so that they can ease the burden on men to do every damn thing in the relationship. Basically my point is, stop pointing at men to be more assertive, and start pointing at women to be more assertive. They are, in general, the true “little bitches” of this system.
Oh, I’m finna’ gonna have me some fun with this here post, yes I am…”A little bitch is a guy that’s way too afraid to go for what he wants until it’s way too late. A little bitch is passive-aggressive and hopes that all his efforts will be noticed. “How many posts have you read on Datingish where a guy who probably is a nice guy is treated like he’s a creep because he’s not Brad Pitt, and has the audacity to say hi to a woman in a club, or at a bar?We aren’t afraid to go for what we want, we’re just fucking tired of being treated like sex-offenders when we dare approach you and you (Or worse, your friends) don’t think we’re hot enough.”A little bitch lets himself get used and abused by girls.”ORRRR…. He really is that nice guy, and that’s not dependent on whether he thinks he’s getting what he “deserves” from someone, he cares about that person so he’s patient with their douchebaggery. Is he a little too naive? Perhaps. Bitches don’t stop being bitches. Catty hoes don’t stop being catty hoes. But that doesn’t make him a little bitch. In fact, it makes him strong. It takes a lot of will-power to not put a bitch in her place.”The obvious mentality is, women by nature want someone who can protect them (in whatever means that may be: physically, monetarily, emotionally, etc). If a guy is willing to be taken advantage of like that and can’t even protect himself, then how will a woman entrust her safety to him? “This is the biggest mistake y’all make. Mistaking meekness for weakness. You don’t want the guy that can protect himself, you want the guy that can intimidate people into not attacking him. See, if they attack him, he knows he’ll get his shit handed to him in a heartbeat. So he blusters, and flaunts and talks himself up. Because he’s like a Dodge. All show, and no go. The other guy? He’s not being taken advantage of… He’s just refusing to stop being a nice guy just becuase you’re being a cunt. He does it because it’s who he is, and he has the strength of character to continue being that person even if it doesn’t get him what he wants in life. “I’m attracted to men with charisma. Little bitches tend to lack this certain characteristic. Yes, charisma is prevalent in assholes, but I’ve met plenty of nice guys who have charisma.”This is all well and good. Be attracted to whatever you’re attracted to. But don’t mistake someone who doesn’t have charisma as being a little bitch. Introversion has it’s own merits. Mostly that we’re not all stuck on ourselves, and while it may take us a little while to open up, at least then you know it’s real. With your charismatic types, you have to wonder which they are… the asshole or just the charismatic good guy. Most times, you find out too late. #oopsBy the way, what’s it say for the female population that men need to learn how to not be used by you? Like it’s a skill that’s THAT in demand?Just wondering.
@Under_the_Ghillie - all this and more. i’m not shy because i’m defective and scared and “OMG its a…. GIRRRRL!”, no, i’m standoffish because i don’t trust you (you being females) because of my experiences in the past. what’s funny is i’ve had women treat me like a stalkerish sexual predator for trying to be their friend and all the while the people whom they praise and devote themselves to act like creepy sexual predators. the shittiest bit about it is that they, yes they as in plural, as in multiple times, were running around telling everyone who would listen how creepy and what a stalker i was and yet never once told ME there was a problem; even when i asked they denied it. as far as i’m concerned being friendzoned would have been a thousand times better. i’m also not passive aggressive, if i don’t try for someone there are reasons. just because I am attracted to a woman doesn’t mean we are a good match or that it’s the right time or that it would be a good relationship. sometimes it’s actually the right thing to do not to just grab whatever the hell you want and take it for yourself (or at least try to). in the end, what you are describing here is selfish people seeking selfish people to be good matches for their selfish natures, but that will always turn out crap because unless they learn to give up that selfishness it will always turn into them working against each other to get their own desires met.
@Under_the_Ghillie - @iones_island - PREACH IT BROTHERS!!!!!!
I feel this is a spinoff of my recent post.If you want Michael Cera, go ahead. I’m comfortable with who I am, and honestly, I’ve been talking to women purely for my entertainment as of late, not going in to fuck bitches or even get their number. I do not want to be some female’s emotional tampon, and I do not want them to be the same for me.Also, I’ve tried making my intentions clear to a girl once, fuck that. Women for the most part, want to be played. It seems almost as if you don’t play games, then it takes something away from them, and they become uninterested in you. It is almost like a power game: how attractive can you make yourself to someone else without admitting verbally (or in text)you’re attracted to them? I just assume that women know you are interested in them and they either A) Show interest back by spending time with you, or B) Be an immature bitch and just ignore you thinking that you’ll get the hint she’s not interested.Dammit, I just wrote like 3 posts in this comment.
@Under_the_Ghillie - my post is about so called “nice guys” getting friendzoned, and not guys who are straight up rejected. that’s a whole different topic. it’s our prerogative to reject people who we don’t deem physically attractive. men do the same thing and have no reason to complain about this. furthermore a man who doesn’t stand up for what he wants or “deserves” is just as despicable as a girl who stays with an asshole. and no, a guy who intimidates other people is too much of a liability and is totally overbearing. everyone is into their own thing. i don’t see how you scolding me that i’m into a guy with charisma gets anywhere. it’s my own preference, and i’ll choose who i want to date. some girls are into introverted guys sure, but for the men that complain about being friendzoned or that girls only go for assholes, this was just an enlightenment for them.
@eatdrinkandbemaryy - Um, scolding you for being into a guy with charisma? Hmm… Let’s go back, shall we?I said, in response to your proclamation that you’re attracted to these types, “This is all well and good. Be attracted to whatever you’re attracted to. “Where is the scolding in that?”this is all well and good. Be attracted to whatever you’re attracted to.”*scratches head*
I have said this a thousand times on xanga but I will repeat it here. If the nice guy is really nice, he is already taken. Show me a guy that cast himself as the constantly single nice guy who is 30 and I will show you a guy that 50 women will tell you he was down right creepy.
@QuantumStorm@AmorVomnia7 - regarding everything you said, i agree with most of it. women do tend to lean toward assholes, i’m not going to lie. i can’t quite explain it, but there’s something about the appeal of an asshole. women tend to be extremely passive, and that’s probably why women will tend to date assholes, just by matter of default. assholes will be more likely to approach women and display interest. an uptick in assertiveness on both ends is necessary for women to meet so called nice guys and nice guys to get the girl in the end.
My heart only has room for nice guys. A nice guy who shows no initial interest in me or if I don’t have any interest in him will automatically be friendzoned. Just need to be upfront about things.
@Under_the_Ghillie - “With your charismatic types, you have to wonder which they are… the asshole or just the charismatic good guy. Most times, you find out too late. ” you’re demeaning my choice of charismatic men by saying that i will inevitably will be played for a fool sometimes, inferring that its the safer choice to go for introverted guys.
@mkazama - THIS. omg this.
@olwd - a shy guy isn’t necessarily a little bitch. a shy guy can be assertive with what he wants later, it’s just hard for him to approach people. and i think this goes hand in hand with what quantamstorm said. women should be more assertive (like you) in approaching people in order to meet nicer guys instead of dating assholes.
@MrTrololo - one of those things with charisma is that it is a tool, and as such is no indicator of whether the person who has it is good or bad, look at Nazi Germany for example, you think Hitler didn’t have charisma? how the hell else did he get so many people to go along with his evil? the only thing that charisma and character have in common are the first three letters.
Your post plus the comments remind me of why I hate people so much. Not targeted towards you guys, but reminders of how BOTH genders treat each other. It’s nothing short of horrifying, and I don’t blame anyone who decides to close themselves off for good.
I find it weird that guys tell themselves they are nice and thus they have a sense of entitlement that all women ought to want them, or the women just want assholes if they don’t. Maybe he is nice, but I’m not attracted to him, and my lack of attraction is not because he’s “nice.” I can guarantee, too, those guys who have a sense of entitlement that all women should want them because they are “nice” would only want a woman who is a model, even if the guy is ugly. That “nice guys finish last” thing is pure crap, self-pitying bullshit. Good post.
@eatdrinkandbemaryy - I’m not demeaning anything. I’m stating a simple fact. I don’t contradict myself. Ever. SO when you’ve got one statement from me that could be taken more than one way, and you’ve got another relevant statement from me that’s very concise, you use the concise one to interpret the ambiguous one. That’s how that works; reading comprehension.I said, quite clearly, that you should be attracted to whatever you’re attracted to, and that there’s nothing wrong with that, at all. What I said regarding the charismatic types is absolutely true. Purely having charisma is not a tell, one way or the other, if the guy is a nice guy or an asshole. As you pointed out, both of them can have charisma. However, it’s rare that the guy who doesn’t open up to you right away, or make those moves “before it’s too late” is an asshole. Assholes tend to be the charismatic ones, (though there are of course exceptions), so it stands to reason that the introvert IS the “safer” choice when choosing to avoid assholes, and the point that your charismatic guy could be an asshole or a nice guy, but you have to wait to find out is valid. There was nothing demeaning in that, at all. I mean, really… I was plenty demeaning of you (or at least, women in general who think like this) in almost every other part of my initial comment… and this is the place you’re choosing to call me out on that for?Wow.
and by the way, after referring to men that you don’t seem to like, or agree with, as “little bitches” you kind of lose the ability to whine about being demeaned in return.It just makes you look like…well, a little bitch.
@TheTheologiansCafe - CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.Except, I’m 32. Am I no longer qualified?
@Under_the_Ghillie - My friend, you have been married before? So you would not fall into that category.
@TheTheologiansCafe - Doggonit, you weren’t supposed to remember that. Foiled again.
@Under_the_Ghillie - i chose this point because the rest of your post is invalid and is about ugly creeper guys getting rejected. this post is about guys who think they’re nice but they get friendzoned. and i think theologianscafe doesn’t need to even try. you brought up yourself guys who get rejected when they’re not goodlooking and deemed creepy. i can tell that you are one of those guys who are extremely bitter at the fact that girls are not attracted to you and reject you. you, sir, are not an applicable example to my post. and once again, it’s my prerogative to date whom i please. i never discounted the fact that women go for assholes, just the fact that all nice guys get friendzoned is such a lie. men need to get rid of their self pity, just as women need to stop saying all men are assholes. and i have not relinquished my right to be demeaned. i refer to guys who act like a little bitch, someone who wallows in their own self pity and feels entitled into a girls pants because he’s simply nice. you have no right to talk down to me the way you do as if you know my dating habits.
@olwd - Most shy guys don’t do the passive aggressive thing. I’d think they wind up in the ‘nice guy’ category here. (I’m what would be considered a shy guy, but fuck the passive aggressive bullshit.)
@eatdrinkandbemaryy - Eh, just ignore him. I think he’s just trying to stir shit up.
@eatdrinkandbemaryy - l.m.f.a.o.I suppose I can’t expect you to comprehend how the rest of my comment actually isn’t invalid, since you can’t even comprehend that “this is all well and good, be attracted to whatever you’re attracted to” is an endorsement, not an accusation against your choice. I don’t know how I could have been more clear, really.Holy shit, it’s not that difficult. I have absolutely no issue with you being attracted to charismatic types. I’m not jealous of charismatic types. I’m not bitter that you like them, and don’t like more introverted types. I genuinely don’t give a rat’s ass what you’re attracted to. And I never said you forfeited your right to be demeaned. I simply made the case that you get what you give, if you can’t handle it, don’t dish it out.As for having no right to talk down to you the way I do since I don’t know your dating habits, apply that to your previous comment “i can tell that you are one of those guys who are extremely bitter at the fact that girls are not attracted to you and reject you.” ..then see above. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.For giggles, how my initial comment DOES apply to this post, and being “friend-zoned”You said “A little bitch is a guy that’s way too afraid to go for what he wants until it’s way too late.”I responded “We aren’t afraid to go for what we want, we’re just fucking tired of being treated like sex-offenders when we dare approach you and you (Or worse, your friends) don’t think we’re hot enough.”Direct response. You presumed I meant this only in relevance to a brand new encounter at a club or something. My comment doesn’t make that distinction. It can apply to someone who’s known you for a while too, and finally decides to make a move. How would your friends have time to tell you he’s not hot enough if it were in the club setting. He’s just approached you, and you’ve rejected him. You didn’t have time for a conference. Whereas, if this was someone you’ve known for a time, you’ve had time to consult with your friends, and they’ve had time to give their opinions.I really think you ought to take the time to learn to read.
The only reason I can think of for women to be attracted to assholes is that their behavior plays on these women’s insecurities, and the lack of deference makes these women determined to “win them over.” Nothing worth having ever comes easy, right? Problem is, the assholes aren’t worth having, but that little crack in your confidence makes you think he’s just the filler you need. If a guy is obvious in his attraction, deep down inside these women think there must be something wrong with him to like her so much. All of these “rules” for dating, and labels and definitions and bullshittery come down to one thing: insecurity. When you get out of your own way, you’ll find the right person for you and he might not be anything that you ever expected.
I am glad you don’t date assholes or little bitches.Girls who do are usually foolish.It’s just a vain and fake attempt to win the access to your spread legs.You have taste, woman.And MKazama has it right.
this.
@eatdrinkandbemaryy - Well with assholes, they tend to embody characteristics that are very useful in terms of protecting and providing for women. The guy might be a jerk, rude and boorish, but at the same time he may also exhibit assertiveness, confidence and social dominance – all traits that are very useful in ensuring an “alpha male” position. That’s my guess anyways haha
completely agreed. but that aside, assholes can be so charismatic sometimes it sickens me haha.
quite the post! (smiles)
Holy can of whoopass. Just had to say this because I only skimmed through some of the responses but not all of it.Kudos to you, little lady.
I have to agree with olwd, I got this impression that a person to what you refer to as “little bitch” CAN be a genuine shy person. On the other hand, people who are annoyingly passive aggressive DO exist and do things expecting you to take the hints. Those people need to grow some balls lol.
@ the replies. LOL, you deserve the highest of fives for putting up a fight.
Great post, thanks for writing it. I can personally relate to this post, as can others. I like to consider myself as a nice guy. I’ve been rejected and friend-zoned by girls. But I decided not to stay bitter about it, and just accept it for that’s how people are. It happens to a lot of folks all the time. And I can see how girls are attracted to assholes; a part of me is tempted to become an asshole just to get their good luck. But that would just end up as a failed imitation. Besides, I don’t think I have it in me to intentionally treat girls with disrespect just b/c “I’m an asshole who gets the girls, so therefore I can.” It just doesn’t feel right. So I stay as a nice guy because that’s just what comes natural to me. Who knows if being the nice guy will actually “work”? All you can do is be GENUINE**, be a good person towards him/her, and do your best. And whatever happens — for better or worse — happens. You do what you can.**I emphasized GENUINE because there are guys out there who proclaim they’re nice guys, when they’re really assholes. Whether this be intentional or delusional, it varies. And just because a guy is “nice” doesn’t necessarily mean he automatically deserves a girl.
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I am trying to get away from the asshole type of guy lol that’s hard I hate that but now hopefully I can when I start dating again