April 25, 2012
-
Brat
Last night I was on XZ, and I was saying how I don’t “profess my love” to guys because I’d rather them profess their loves to me. I was then called a brat for it, and even though I tried to explain myself, the conclusion was still that I was a brat. I have to start off by saying that I must admit that I overreacted yesterday night. I was just extremely frustrated and stressed out about my school life while at the same time I wasn’t able to defend myself or articulate my thoughts, so I blew up. I’m not mad or upset at anyone, but I just feel a bit hurt and misunderstood.
I’ve never really bought into the “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” To be honest, I think it’s bullshit. Loving and losing hurts like a motherfucker, and never loving is ignorant and blissful. When I was in high school, I decided that I wouldn’t date. At that time I was much more emotionally stable, and only when I started to date did everything start to suck.
To keep a long story short, when I was younger, I caught my dad cheating on my mom. This really didn’t affect their relationship that much, considering they’ve been fighting for as long as I could remember, but it really affected my outlook on life and what I chose to believe in. In the aftermath, my mom became extremely selfish, not really caring for my or my sisters’ well being (which led me to be a better sister and quite motherly). I began to resent my mother and eventually blamed her for my dad cheating on her (which is obviously wrong).
Because of this, I decided I’d be completely opposite of my controlling, callous mother. I figured she did it wrong, so the opposite was the correct option. I would be affectionate but very laid back and “cool.” Apparently, I did it wrong and got cheated on by my first two boyfriends.
After being devastatingly broken up with twice, I became extremely guarded. I was already pretty guarded before considering that I could barely even trust my own dad. The thing is, I put myself out there for those first two guys, and in hindsight, I made myself into a fool. I hated feeling so vulnerable and affected by other people. That’s why I choose not to put myself out there anymore, not to profess any feelings until I’m certain that it will be sincerely reciprocated.
Love is something I always felt was extraneous, so why would I sacrifice anything for the sake of just a prospect of love?
I haven’t had many life experiences, and I joke around about everyone on Xanga being old, but I try to learn something from everything that has happened to me. And you can tell me that I shouldn’t feel this way about that, but it’s natural for me to react certain ways, and it’s hard to change. I’ve tried, but it’s like telling a jealous person not to get jealous. Even if they look at it from a different perspective, they will probably still feel the same way, because the way they naturally react to things. This is how I naturally react to dating and guys. Yes, it seems that I’m a bit spoiled, but it’s me saving myself from the fate I have already experienced and seen my mother experience. I still don’t understand how it makes me a brat, but if it does, then so be it. I’ll be a brat, so long as I can save myself from emotional pain.
Comments (17)
It’s one thing to be cautious, another to hold yourself back entirely. I’ve had three huge relationships in my past and I’m not much older than you. I’ve been cheated on and have cheated on some of my ex’s. At the end of the day, break ups are what you want them to be. I truly believe it’s better to have love and lost than never loved at all. When I told my ex’s I’d love them forever, I’ve kept my word. We’ve been there for each other even after all the romance has turned ugly and sour. Let yourself fall in love but never force yourself to be who you’re not. Don’t bend over backwards to keep your heart closed nor should you be affectionate to the point where it feels like a chore.
Eh don’t worry too much about it. To be honest I didn’t really get the impression that you blew up, since you already said you were heading to bed. I don’t buy into the “better to have loved and lost” mantra either. I used to in the past but I don’t see the value in it anymore.I think the issue that people have is when there is a lack of honesty or a tendency towards manipulation as a result. It’s one thing to be withdraw due to a genuine fear of pain/fear of repeating the past, which is natural, but it’s very easy to go from that point to manipulating multiple people for your own benefit out of a desire to avoid that risk. Not saying you’re doing that, of course, but for a lot of people, it’s very easy to justify emotional and psychological manipulation in the name of fear.
The first to say it is a rotten egg.
Werd. I didn’t catch much of that conversation last night (lagging and doing homework) but I don’t think it’s bratty at all. It’s natural to be cautious and guarded, especially after getting burned. I suppose the trick is to be able to do so without being callous towards others. You don’t have to profess your love, but on the other hand having a sense of self-entitlement and expecting someone else to do so is a bit of a double standard. Regardless, I hope you find a guy that will, and I also hope your defenses won’t shut down something good.
girls overthink shit…
I wouldn’t consider you a brat for being guarded. But I don’t feel Love is the best thing to guard yourself from… I personally think you are missing out with your current train of thought. To not ”profess any feelings until I’m certain that it will be sincerely reciprocated” makes it difficult to get close to anyone It would seem. As far as your fear/avoidance of pain it is only making you “strong” temporarily. Pain is Growth. I look forward to things work out for you ^_^Peace and Love
You always have reasons for doing things the way you do. People shouldn’t judge or call you a brat until they fully understand. You be you. They just need to understand that.
I apologize for calling you a brat. It’s completely understandable to be guarded and to want to be assured of reciprocation. Everyone wants that security, and it usually falls on the guys to be the one to be brave and forward about his feelings. The reason for the name calling though wasn’t from the fear of rejection and the walls that you put up, and I apologize for making that implication. The reason why I said you were being a brat was for the manner in which you had said it. “Never” is one of those words that should rarely be used in life experiences. Because it’s impossible to say that you’ll be a certain way for your entire life. Life experiences and growth will allow you to see things in new perspectives. Yes, even the jealous person may turn over a new leaf and start taking things with a grain of salt. It’s not my place to impart wisdom on you as I make as many if not more mistakes in love than most. But I would hope that you would take those life experiences you’ve had and not become jaded with them but become more understanding. It’s one thing to be naive and ignorant to the experiences, it’s another to be completely narrow-minded from the experiences you have.
Let’s never get married!
@junbelievable08 - i figured that’s why you said it, and i totally understand that i did come off as a brat. what frustrated me was that even in trying to defend myself, i still failed to change your opinion and i just felt more like a;egoijaw;ofijawe;foijawef. i didn’t mean to get so upset, and i accept your apology~~
@eatdrinkandbemaryy - Thanks, and for making you angry, next time I come to NY, I owe you a cupcake.
@junbelievable08 - yayyyy cupcakes! bitches love cupcakes!
ugh, sorry you had such bad experiences. My mom cheated on my dad….it definitely had an impact on how I look at relationships, as well. But my parents divorced over it.I don’t think you’re a brat at all. I hope the next guy you date is smart enough not to be a douche bag.
Hello Dear,i am Mirabel,single never married, tall slim,and fair,that loves sightseeing and reading,iviewed your profile and got interested in knowing you more for important discussion,couldyou please reply to me via my mail address mirabeljude@yahoo.com so that we will know eachother very well.i will send my pics later.Thanks,Mirabelmirabeljude@yahoo.com
Sounds like your ‘brat’ situation is settled? .shrugs. Whatever anyone calls you, it’s their opinion and you don’t need to buy into that if you don’t want to. Just know that you’re a cool person and don’t let anyone doubt that .grins. Eventually they’ll come around to see it too.
We share similar outlooks on relationships.I’ve never been in a relationship, but I know what it’s like to be burned and cheated on.
“I don’t “profess my love” to guys because I’d rather them profess their loves to me.”You and most women it seems. But when is the right time? That is the question. ”I’ve never really bought into the “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”It is better to think that they are all bitches than to treat a bitch right and get your heart stopped on. Too bad that I didn’t learn that earlier.I take my chances, but I no longer wish to drop the L-bomb on any woman, anytime soon. Or later.I’d rather her confess her undying love to me, just for a change of pace.