Month: July 2012

  • It’s All Downhill from Here

    As many of you know my birthday is coming up!  This Thursday, I’ll be turning 21, and that’s basically the last of all the cool birthdays.  So from here on out, I’ll be grieving over my age and drinking myself to oblivion (as I have no more barriers).

    I know all of you were struggling to find me the perfect birthday present, and don’t worry, I graciously accept all late presents in the form of chocolate, red velvet, lingerie, or cool mint Oreos.  
    And for all the NYC kids, I’m having my party at Circle.  If you want, stop by and contribute to the shitshow!  Stay tuned for pictures. 
    And yes, I know I haven’t been posting as of late, but there has been no inspiration.  I may have a couple stories to tell here and there, but nothing I feel like writing a post about.  Let’s hope my birthday will be interesting enough to entertain all my loyal subscribers. <3

  • How to: Be a Creeper

    This a topic that I have much first-hand experience with, as well as second-hand experience.  Let me bequeath to all of you the abundant knowledge that I possess.

    This is written from my perspective, so said creeper is going to referred to in male pronouns and said victim will be referred to in female pronouns.  Don’t get all butthurt that I’m being sexist.
    1. Interrogate the shit out of her.  When you know she’s out, ask here where she is, ask her who she’s with, ask her how long she’s going to be out.  Oh and don’t forget, you’re not her boyfriend, so give her some attitude too when she says she’s going to be out for a long time, even though she wasn’t going to visit you after she got back anyway.  She never visits you, but I mean, now you know she’s doing something instead of visiting you, so you deserve to throw a bitch fit!
    2. And on that note, just get upset at her as if you’re entitled to.  She shouldn’t be fraternizing with anyone anyway.  She parties too much, so make sure she knows how pissed you are every time she goes out by rolling your eyes and giving her a tone.  She should be getting your permission to go out anyway!  She wants to leave when you invited yourself to hang out with her?  It’s totally unfair to you!  She’s being completely inconsiderate!
    3. Make sure you find a day to hang out with her.  If it’s not tomorrow, ask for the next day.  If not then, ask about the next day.  Ask about the next day until she finally tells you she’s free.  Ask her to dinner then, and when she tells you she needs to cook at home, tell her to cook for you, because that’s what a woman should do for a man.
    4. If you know she’s free at that point in time, take advantage.  Invite yourself over to her place.  Overstay your welcome, and when she needs to get ready for bed, tell her you don’t want to leave and fall asleep on her couch.  Now she’ll have to sleep with you!
    5. Make sure she didn’t miss your text.  Your text has gone unanswered for a couple hours, days, or weeks.  Make sure you keep texting her.  She might have missed it.  There’s no way she could have been ignoring you.
    6. When you do have a chance to talk to her, make unwarranted sexual comments.  She has to go shower?  ”Oh you go shower, you dirty girl.”  Haven’t talked to her in a while?  Hit her up with, “I bet you’re so wet right now.”  That sure is going to turn her on.  Throw in a couple winky faces, and you’re good.
    7. Don’t forget, she always reciprocates the same feelings as you.  She straight up turned you down and rejected you?  There’s no way a girl is that forward.  She definitely was on her period and couldn’t think straight.  Let her know you figured it out and give her another chance to give you the right response.  

    All examples based on true stories. 

  • Nostalgia

    Today, I went to watch the Macy’s fireworks with a couple of my good friends.  The first time I watched it was last year, and that was when my sisters were in the city.  It made me miss them so much.  We had so much fun when they were here.  We watched fireworks, visited every park worth visiting, went to the beach, the Met, and ate at every delicious place in the city.  This time apart from them will be the longest I’ve been without them.  Even though we were cramped as hell on my bed, I wish they were here spending my summer with me.  
     
    And here is me today before all the heat and humidity.

    Ignore the tacky ass clear straps.  My boobs can’t support a whole bra without straps.