Just a forewarning, this isn’t going to be super coherent, but I’ll try my best.

So, a few of you know I drunkenly went home with a guy last weekend, made out with him, and acquired several hickeys. He took my number, but I figured he just wanted a hookup. On top of that I wasn’t really interested, so I never really pursued it. The problem was he’s part of the fraternity a bunch of my friends are in, and even worse, he’s close to the big mouth of the fraternity.

He attempted to have conversation with me, but he failed extremely hard. I’m really conversatable, and he refused to build off on anything I said, so we barely talked throughout the week. I guess with the coaching of his brothers and his roommates, he asked me out on a date on Friday. Holy shit, was it a bad date.

Let me remind you this guy is 23 years old and works as a professional.

So he calls me about an hour before our date asking where I am, where I want to go, and if I wanted to meet there. Normal call, but the fact is he said it in such a forceful, rushed manner that it made me feel really uncomfortable. That was my ultimate realization this was going to be a bad date. I got there a bit late, but I knew the place we were going to had a long wait, so ultimately, it didn’t really matter. He ended up bitching about my being late and then suggested to go get margaritas while waiting.

While drinking margaritas, he basically started arguing with me over some things we were talking about and basically calling me stupid. I tried to look past it, but he kept wanting to talk about the weirdest things, but being conversatable, I indulged his conversations.

We finally get seated, and we order our food. Once the food comes out, all conversation stops. His head is in his bowl, and he doesn’t say a single word to me while he’s eating. The only thing he says is, “After this, do you want to go back to my place?” I was so fucking flabbergasted. You have the audacity to ask me back to your place??????!?!:RHIGOAORFJAOWEJFAWEf (That’s how I felt.) I politely turned him down, but he kept pressuring me to come over. I reluctantly said yes, knowing my apartment was down the block and that I was completely coherent to go home.

On the way home, we stopped by the convenience store to get tea since I was sick. When we get to his apartment, I open up the box, and he smells it. He goes on to say, “This tea fucking sucks. My roommates have better tea.” And I was like … /tending to my tea. And he reaches for his roommates tea and throws the fucking boxes of tea at me while I’m not even looking. At this point, I’m like HOW FUCKING OLD ARE YOU THAT YOU’RE ACTING LIKE THIS?! I just stared at the tea that has spilled all over the floor waiting for him to pick it up because I sure as hell was not going to.

We end up watching shows on a laptop. I’m laying on my stomach, and he proceeds to tell me, “I want to sit on you,” climb on my back, and give me a back massage. I was wearing a pair of shorts that zips in the back, and he started to unzip them. I turned around to look at him and told him to stop. He gives me this pouty face like a 5 year old who doesn’t get his toy, and it pissed me off so much. I asked him to zip it back up, and he says, “I don’t know how.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU DONT KNOW HOW?!?ear0hf/alehofaWEOHJfaWOEJFaw I just tell him, “Fine, I’ll zip it up myself.” I zip it up, he rolls off my back, and throws a fucking fit. He’s quiet and looking the other way, so I ask him if I should leave, and he tells me to stay. He then tries to make a move on me by kissing my neck, and I told him no. He asks why, and I’m just like, “Just no. That’s enough reason why.” He gets up and does something outside the room, and while he’s doing that I get my jacket and scarf on, and when he comes back I tell him I’m leaving. He once again makes that annoying pouty face, fucking throws another fit, climbs into bed and gets into the covers. I looked at him and said, “You’re not going to walk me to the door?” He looked puzzled, and I just walked out.

I was so annoyed at how he acted. Don’t act like a fucking baby. No girl likes that shit. And you are NOT entitled to sleep with me after you buy me a $10 bowl of ramen.

I ended up seeing him several times the next day. First he was at an NYU event with one of his brothers (the big mouth one that I mentioned before). I did not expect to see him there considering he’s graduated by two years. I didn’t say anything to him, greet him, or anything. I had to print stuff, so I went to my school’s computer lab afterwards, and lo and behold, he was there too. It was so frustrating seeing him so many times, but I eventually said hi, and he told me he was going to this birthday party I was going to that night. I told him, “Cool, see you later then,” and left.

While out to dinner with the birthday girl, he texted me asking if I wanted to pregame with him. I was at dinner with the couple friends I told about the date, and I just looked at them like, “Does he REALLY not realize how bad it was yesterday? Why is he still pursuing this? Is he really this fucking clueless?” At the party, he tried to start up weird, menial conversation with me, about how his roommate is wearing his suit, and something else blah blah I don’t know. I was drunk by that point, and I just didn’t give a shit. I just got up and walked away and talked to a couple of the other brothers, and by this time, everyone knew. The big mouth brother had told everyone. So everyone started to ask me, even his roommate, about the date, concurring with me that he was sort of weird and awkward, and that they were sorry that I had to go through that. Only made me regret more that I hooked up with THIS GUY out of ALL THE BROTHERS I COULD HAVE. I always told myself that I would never hook up with a brother, and when I did, it just so happens to be the most socially inept of the fraternity. .___________________________.”"”"”"”"”

There were also another creep at the party, but I think I’ll leave that story for another post.

If I graduate early. Traveling my semester off.

I hope everyone knows I’m joking. I don’t have enough boobs to qualify for this.

Last night I was on XZ, and I was saying how I don’t “profess my love” to guys because I’d rather them profess their loves to me. I was then called a brat for it, and even though I tried to explain myself, the conclusion was still that I was a brat. I have to start off by saying that I must admit that I overreacted yesterday night. I was just extremely frustrated and stressed out about my school life while at the same time I wasn’t able to defend myself or articulate my thoughts, so I blew up. I’m not mad or upset at anyone, but I just feel a bit hurt and misunderstood.

I’ve never really bought into the “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” To be honest, I think it’s bullshit. Loving and losing hurts like a motherfucker, and never loving is ignorant and blissful. When I was in high school, I decided that I wouldn’t date. At that time I was much more emotionally stable, and only when I started to date did everything start to suck.

To keep a long story short, when I was younger, I caught my dad cheating on my mom. This really didn’t affect their relationship that much, considering they’ve been fighting for as long as I could remember, but it really affected my outlook on life and what I chose to believe in. In the aftermath, my mom became extremely selfish, not really caring for my or my sisters’ well being (which led me to be a better sister and quite motherly). I began to resent my mother and eventually blamed her for my dad cheating on her (which is obviously wrong).

Because of this, I decided I’d be completely opposite of my controlling, callous mother. I figured she did it wrong, so the opposite was the correct option. I would be affectionate but very laid back and “cool.” Apparently, I did it wrong and got cheated on by my first two boyfriends.

After being devastatingly broken up with twice, I became extremely guarded. I was already pretty guarded before considering that I could barely even trust my own dad. The thing is, I put myself out there for those first two guys, and in hindsight, I made myself into a fool. I hated feeling so vulnerable and affected by other people. That’s why I choose not to put myself out there anymore, not to profess any feelings until I’m certain that it will be sincerely reciprocated.

Love is something I always felt was extraneous, so why would I sacrifice anything for the sake of just a prospect of love?

I haven’t had many life experiences, and I joke around about everyone on Xanga being old, but I try to learn something from everything that has happened to me. And you can tell me that I shouldn’t feel this way about that, but it’s natural for me to react certain ways, and it’s hard to change. I’ve tried, but it’s like telling a jealous person not to get jealous. Even if they look at it from a different perspective, they will probably still feel the same way, because the way they naturally react to things. This is how I naturally react to dating and guys. Yes, it seems that I’m a bit spoiled, but it’s me saving myself from the fate I have already experienced and seen my mother experience. I still don’t understand how it makes me a brat, but if it does, then so be it. I’ll be a brat, so long as I can save myself from emotional pain.

Never said I was a photographer.

I was talking to my friend, and she was telling me that at this point in her “singleness” she wants to get a boyfriend again and find a meaningful connection with a guy, and all I could say was, “Meh.” The thing is, at this point in my life, I could care less about making a meaningful connection with a guy. I have all the emotional support I need. I have wonderful friends who share interests with me, laugh with me, spend time with me. I connect with these people. I don’t find the need to seek anymore companionship. I’m completely emotionally satisfied. I guess in having a relationship, I have to take care of someone else and their emotions. That’s not something I care for right now. I’m too focused on me and my current surroundings. With all the success I’ve been having, I’m perfectly fine with the state of things. Right now, I’m not ready to put someone in the spotlight of all my attention. I want to be accountable for my own feelings and my own feelings alone.

This is for @BenelliMan.

Rededicated to @Flipguy31o.

Not nearly as good as @Cakalusa‘s Booby Tuesdays, but here’s the pictures from my event!

More pictures at NYU VSA’s official Flickr!

And even more pictures here!

And then we HAD to celebrate of course.

My natural element: surrounded by gaysians.

I lost that gin and tonic multiple times, only to make new ones, and find them all over my apartment the next day.

My “little brother” who is about a foot taller than me. Hardest working officers and fellow MC’s. :]

Enjoy!

The event that I was toiling away on for most of the school year took place last night, and it went absolutely well. I’m so surprised, since during sound check, everything seemed to be falling apart. I got into a fight with my VP and good friend. The performances weren’t going as planned. I just felt so nervous about the whole thing pulling through, but it went amazing. The audience’s reception to everything–the food, the performances, my MC’ing–was so great. I’m still on a high from last night. It was a pleasant surprise how well it went and even more so that a good friend of mine came up from Virginia to attend. It’s the last time he’s probably coming to the city, so I was more than happy to see him.

The best part was that people came up to me afterwards congratulating me on such a successful event, that this was probably the best cultural show they’ve ever been to, and that they can’t wait to get more involved in VSA. It just feels so great to know all my hard work really accomplished exactly what I wanted.

And of course, what better way to celebrate other than with friends, liquor, and junk food?

I’ll probably post a photo reel of the actual event later when all the pictures get on Facebook.

My weekend was quite eventful, not that I went out every night (I did, but that’s not the point here). Just a plethora of ridiculous stories spawned from this weekend. Two of them revolved around guys.

For a bit of background for the first story, I’m president of the VSA at NYU, and have been trying to get more members to come out to our meetings, especially with our huge charity event this Saturday. There is this one fob who comes out to the meetings every once in a while, and he told me that there are tons of Vietnamese people at NYU who don’t come out to the meetings. Assuming that he’s friends with them, I tell him to introduce me, and he said he would. He’s been inviting me out to hang out with his friends for the past couple weeks now, but I’ve been too busy to hang out with him until this past weekend. We head over to Oh! Taisho and order what everyone orders: skewers, sake, and beer. I’m unsure of why I didn’t get drunk at all (it might have been my two dinners that night) but everyone proceeded to get absolutely trashed. After dinner, I was planning on heading over to a party with my friend, Timmy, who lives right down the street. This guy offers to walk me, and along the way, I start to realize that he invited me out not only so I could meet his friends. First, it started hailing so he put his arm over my head to protect me from the ice. Next, he started to apologize for his inebriated self. Lastly, his inebriated self started saying things like “Do you know why I invited you out tonight?” and “I have something to tell you.” I answered with, “Hrm?” each time, but he being too drunk never followed through on his thoughts. We get to my friend’s place, and I’m buzzing for him. His roommate answers through the intercom, and I ask for Timmy. Upon hearing I was asking for a guy, he immediately stormed off without a word.

First thing on my mind: “Fuck, there goes my connections.” To keep this bridge unburned, I planned on texting him the next morning and thanking him for the night out, pretending all of that didn’t happen, but he beat me to it. He texted me in the morning, apologizing for how drunk he got, and I assume he didn’t know what happened the night before because he just commented on my wall saying, “memories came back deeply sorry” .___.” Now we both have to acknowledge that it happened… It would’ve been better to keep it to himself.

The other story involved me being an attention whore and need not to be told.

And if anyone is in the city this Saturday:

I’m MC’ing and modelling!