This picture embodies our whole night: blurry.

That’s all you get, folks.

@coolmonkey

Before I get started, I wanted to say that my ex found my Xanga and had hid that fact from me for a while. Although I tried to respect his privacy, he took advantage of the trust I gave him. We are no longer together, and even though I want to keep my Xanga apart from people I know personally, I’m not making a new Xanga. If he chooses to read my Xanga again, then so be it.

I’m sorry for all these posts lately. I know they are neither interesting nor funny, but I’ll just finish the series up with this. Everything seemed to be going well with my ex and me, but he was growing distant and I was losing interest. He became so guarded about everything and chose his words carefully. Understandable, considering the fact he was on the loser’s end of this break. However, I’ve always tried to encourage open communication, told him everything, and every time I noticed something awry, I’d ask him. He’d never tell me though, even though I saw it written all over his passive-aggressive face. It frustrated me to death, and it wasn’t going to change, especially in the situation we were in. He even told me to my face that he was too scared to tell me the whole truth in case that I would get upset. He started confiding in a very close friend of mine, and my friend even told me he noticed it too. It was a huge fundamental issue, and there really was nothing to be done about it, so I had to officially end it with him.

A little over a week has passed since I broke it off, but it’s been a back and forth volley. I needed my space. School, work, and recruiting were stressing me out, and I couldn’t handle having another on my plate. Yet, he continuously tried to pop back into my life. After he had read my Xanga, he instantly hit me up accusing me of leaving him for another guy. While it is true that I was falling for another guy, he was never part of the decision I was making. I was never choosing between my ex and this guy. It was always my ex or not. And as always, my ex plays victim, guilt tripping me to death, detailing every part of his life that isn’t going right, and now I’m gone so it’s just that much worse. Now, I’ve always been there for him, compromised my feelings for him, took his guilt trippings, but he has not once given back. I remember when I voiced to him my concern long ago, about being afraid that he might be using me for sex, I was the one at fault for even thinking that. I remember when I turned to him about my close friend getting raped, and he joked about asking her how anal was. I remember how I could never lean on him for anything. He could never help me through my problems, and always turned it back around to him. He’s been selfish all this time, and he knows it. I asked him, when in our entire relationship has he ever done anything for me, just because. Just because it would make me happy. He couldn’t answer. I had sacrificed so much for him. After he received his MCAT scores the first time, I offered to come visit him in Jersey immediately without him asking. Even when I had broken up with him the first time, and I was hurting, he wanted me to talk to him every night like we used to, and I complied knowing he was stressed out studying for his second MCAT. I planned out his birthday and his birthday gift months in advance to make sure it was good enough. While, I was left planning my own birthday, and last minute, I was left to celebrate it on my own, because he couldn’t make it. When my sisters visited, I had to beg him to come, and he made minimal effort to meet and talk to them. He has been selfish. Although I was happy with him, I’ve become bitter and resentful about this relationship. Absolutely everything has pushed me away. It needed to be done.

While he says that he’s “finally realized” he needs to change, he’s said that before, when I broke up with him. I can’t take him back or be in that limbo anymore. It takes so much for him to “finally realize” what he’s done wrong. I’m much happier now. I don’t regret my decision, and I’m not moping around. It’s quite different being on the other side of the break up. I’ve always been broken up with, and never done the breaking up myself. Although I know exactly how he’s feeling, I can’t compromise myself for him anymore.

For girls, Halloween costumes are relatively simple. Halloween is an excuse to roleplay and look sexier than ever. Here’s a list of what every girls’ Halloween costume should include and should be limited to:
1. Fishnets
2. Bra
3. Some sort of accessory (hat, handcuffs, wand, etc)
4. Heels
5. Skirt (no longer than 4 inches)