I saw that one video of the man who got a ticket for not riding in the bike lane and went to prove that it’s impossible to ride in the bike lane at all times.  While that is true, cyclists often do not ride in the bike lane even if it’s clear.  Also they’re the biggest assholes of the road, even more so than impatient taxi drivers.  They act as if they’re pedestrians and cars all at once.  They have the right of way, over pedestrians apparently, they can ride through a red light, they don’t signal at all where they’re going, yet they expect to be feared like a car.  On several occasions, I’ve seen a cyclist yell at a car or a pedestrian for being “reckless” while at the same time, they’re not riding in the bike lane, sometimes in the middle of the road in heavy traffic.  Honestly, they need to get off their environmentalist high horse and follow some rules.

I’ve never ever ever ever regretted moving out of Nebraska.  Never.  The place is all in all a horrible place.  People are so bored and the community is so small that people just fucking gossip and talk shit all the fucking time.  Today, while talking to my sister, I heard that my old high school TEACHER, TEACHER mind you, talks shit about me to his students.  Now, I was NEVER a bad student.  I was a well-behaved child, who took part in all the nerdy things at school.  And he was one of the coordinators of all these nerdy things.  Apparently, he talks about me frequently.  And it’s never good.  Specifically, once, he told his students that I got a yeast infection from sex.  Well first, I’ve never had a goddamn yeast infection.  Second, I didn’t even start having sex until after I moved away.  And third, you don’t get fucking yeast infections from sex.  So much for the gifted students’ program coordinator.  Like FUCK.  And that also means, someone has been feeding him this bullshit.  Yes, something of the like has happened to me, a UTI, which a large percentage of sexually active girls get.  So that means, someone has been spreading this story.  The thing is though, I don’t keep in touch with anyone back at home, besides my family and my absolute best friend, who went through the same UTI problem as I did.  Who the fuck told him, and how did they find out?  I’m out of Nebraska, over and done with the people and their bullshit.  Why do I keep getting sucked into it?

Disclaimer:  This is a bit of an over-generalization, but can speak for most of my experience with gays.

Okay, I admit it.  I’m a fag hag.  I have difficulties making friends with girls, and guys are only after my ass, but gay friends, I’m abundant with.  And with good reason!

1. You can depend on them to tell you the truth.  Girlfriends have been long conditioned to stroke your ego.  Boyfriends will never dare to insult you.  (That couch really is hard to sleep on.)  But gay guys?  You ask them if you look fat in that dress, and they will respond, “Girl, that ass needs some shaping.”  “How is this outfit?”  “Tacky as hellllll.  You got too much going on.”  Everyone else is useless.
2. They offer me relationship advice from both gender spectrums.  They’re men, but feminine.  They understand you and your guy.  Double points if you’re friends with a couple.  Also, they’re usually the most self-empowered people, so if you need a peptalk through a rejection or a breakup, you can always turn to them. 
3. They probably went through more social hardships than you.  The bullying, the ostracizing.  Also, can you just imagine hoping that someone you find good looking is gay?  Just saying.

This is me and my gay best friend.  Seriously, every girl needs a gay best friend.

I generally eat really simply here in New York.  But my sisters came to town, and I went all out.  Shake Shack, Ippudo, Max Brenners, whatever else you can think of as New York staples.  I also took them to my favorite locations, La Maison du Macaron and Bodhi Tree.  My sisters gave me an excuse to spend lots and lots of money on things I like to do but never actually did.  We ventured off to Fire Island and had a fun time at the beach.  Went to the Met, even though I don’t appreciate art too much, but the Alexander McQueen exhibit was amazing.  Visited Times Square and rode the Toys R Us ferris wheel.  Made hamdogs (hotdog, in cheese, in hamburger, in bacon).  Chilled in Central Park for a bit.  I even watched the fireworks!  I would’ve never had the conviction to go watch the fireworks. 

I’m as New York as it gets now!

We live in a society where we have to make excuses for fat people.  Reading through comments on @coolmonkey‘s post about fat people needing to watch what they eat and what they do in a healthy manner, it’s a general consensus that fat people either have a genetic problem or some other disorder that doesn’t allow them to be skinny.  The thing is, I’ve listened to plenty of lectures on the growing obesity rate, presented by people all over the world, and there is one thing they all have in common:  that American’s are the fattest of them all.  And what else I learned about this is that Americans are the most sensitive about the subject.  The Europeans and the Asians never danced around the subject, but all the American lecturers used “politically correct” phrases, didn’t dare to poke fun, and saw it as a grave matter.  Yeah, “genetics” plays into body type, but considering that America is the “melting pot” of the world, where the fuck did Americans get this gene and in such mass quantity? 

When I came back from China, I was reeled by how fat everyone was compared to China.  Fat people in China (the few there are relatively speaking) don’t blame it on anything else except themselves.  They know they don’t eat right or exercise enough.  And considering that not all Chinese metabolisms are the same (just as they are here in America), those that lack a fast metabolism work their asses off in the gym.  To Americans, Chinese people are SOOO SKINNY.  In China, they’re all trying to lose weight.  Chinese people aren’t blessed with amazing metabolisms, rather they diet and exercise much more effectively than people do here.

The problem is that Americans have to make excuses for their weight.  And American mentality naturally tells you that you should be happy with what you have and who you are.  That’s why people here in America aren’t as ambitious or motivated to lose weight.  The mindset needs to change, but that won’t ever happen, will it?  Self-esteem and egos are much more important than the health of the general public.

Okay, so it seems a lot the comments have been pretty critical.  And no one seems to understand the post is entirely satirical.  You don’t need to point out that there is a reason I’m with this guy.  I already know that.  And I understand that I won’t ever be equal with his mom and that his mom will always remain a big part of his life.  I understand family ties, if anyone would read number one…  I just wanted to make light of the situation.  I didn’t once complain.  I didn’t once worry about the status of our relationship due to his mama’s boyness.  Seriously, why is everyone on my case about it?