Ever since the beginning of time, I’ve NEVER been able to befriend girls very well.  NEVER EVER EVER.  I feel like I have the affinity to be hated by girls or something.

At my OWN FIFTH BIRTHDAY PARTY (co-ed of course because you just invited everyone in your class), these girls ganged up on me and got all pissy at me because my dad let me win the play-doh contest.  Hey, I made the best yellow play-doh snakes possible.  Don’t hate.

In the third grade, there was this apparently exclusive club that every single girl in my grade was allowed to join except me.

Once, I was driving, and I was randomly flipped off and cursed out by a girl classmate of mine who I have never talked to nor talked about.  I don’t even know her name.  I just know she went to school with me.

When I first came to New York, I had a friend in the area, and he took me around the city.  As we went around, he asked me, “Why do girls give you dirty looks everywhere we go?”  Yeah, beats me.

As I was getting to know people in my cohort during welcome week, someone commented that this girl and me looked similar.  I say, “Hahaha.  No not really.”  She says, “I do NOT look like HER.”  HEY I’M NOT UGLY, BITCH.  TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT.

Fall semester, I literally had no girlfriends, besides my roommate, but then again, I had very few friends in general.  I guess I could blame my then-boyfriend. 

I still hear about girls who I barely know talking shit about me behind my back. 

Saleswomen are the MEANEST to me.  I see them helping a man before me, being super duper polite, and here I am expecting the same treatment, being completely cheery, only to be given the rudest service ever.

Just now, some random girl I was playing OMGPOP with just started talking shit.  Conversation went as follows (this isn’t edited in the slightest nor taken out of context):
Her: mary
Me: ?
Her: ur flat
Me: thanks…
[I win game]
Her: yay flat girll
Her: chink
Her: god chinks are weird

WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS?!?!?!

I must be the most anxious person ever.  I get so excited about things, and I can’t wait for them to happen.  I hate it when someone says “Guess what!” and takes forever to answer.  I hate it when someone tells me they have a surprise for me, but makes me wait.  THE WORST THING YOU CAN SAY TO ME:  “Can I talk to you later?”  Oh my god, I think I almost die any time someone says that to me.  I hate, hate, hate, hate to be left waiting. 

I get too antsy when it comes to upcoming events.  I hated the period between SATs and the results.  I remember when I bought my prom dress, I had to put it on every once in a while because I couldn’t wait for prom to come.  (My prom dress was freaking gorgeous.)  Whenever I’m online window shopping, I note what I want until I get the money, but I always check back periodically to see if it’s still there.  Sometimes I even get anxious waiting for the next song to play in my playlist! 

Suspense is the worst.  >.<

I have issues.  D:

Mass messages. 

Especially ones that start with “I’m sorry for this mass message.”   Honestly, if you’re going to send a mass message, it’s not like you have any shame anyway.  No need for apologies. 

And no, I’m not looking at your new blog, nor am I going to respond telling you what I think of it.  I’m not giving you any ideas for your next post. 

But seriously, stop mass messaging.  That shit is annoying.  Jeez, have some dignity.  Stop begging.

Diet:
Two words: regular and reasonable.
Eat meals at regular times of the day.  Don’t eat until you feel like you’re going to throw up.  Don’t have dessert every meal.  Don’t have steak and fries right before you go to bed.

Exercise:
Don’t do it.
In my head, exercise fucks with your metabolism.  Your body becomes dependent on the exercise, so it slows down naturally and waits for you to work out.  But what happens when you no longer have time to work out, or when you become unable to work out, or simply you’re too tired to?  Your metabolism isn’t stimulated and doesn’t go, and you get fat.