I take back what I said about my parents. They put too much pressure on me, and it’s not completely because I set my own bar too high. Today, I got back my ACT and SAT scores. Truthfully, I’m not happy about them. They’re not as high as I would like, and I’m pretty disappointed in myself, but that pales in comparison to the disappointment my parents have for me. I told my dad my SAT score. It was the same as last time: 2060, and my dad decides to tell me that I’m wasting his money. Hold on a second. Wasn’t it you that forced me to take the test again? Didn’t I say this was wasting money? Obviously, if I got the exact same score twice, studied my ass off both times, wouldn’t you figure that that’s my best? Then he goes on to say that it’s once again a horrible score and that he’s going to put me in prep classes. I apparently didn’t study enough when I completely read the whole Official SAT Study Guide prep book and did all the practice tests. I understand that he’s not happy with the score, but really? He has no grounds to say it’s a horrible score and that I didn’t study enough. I’m already depressed enough at it is, and he only has the excuse that he’s not a white parent and he’s going to tell me the truth. Can’t you do it in a way less harsh than that? I couldn’t help but cry. And I told him my ACT score. Improvement! 32! Was he happy? Not in the least. The same reaction although it was higher than my last score. I improved alot in my individual section scores, besides in my English, which I got a 35 in the first time around, and that was the only thing I looked at for praise. He didn’t care. If it’s not a 36, it’s not worth the acknowledgement.

My mom fostered the same reactions. “That’s it?” Yea, that’s it. Couldn’t you at least be a little more encouraging? Then, she tells me that I “hoc giot qua.” Whoa, really? That’s roughly translated as ”study so poorly.” Those are good scores, in relation to the average person, but seeing as I’m apparently not average, I’m stupid. I couldn’t control my emotions, and I got extremely frustrated with her and started arguing with her. She’s planning on buying me more books since I can’t study anymore out of the books she already bought me. I was getting angry, and she tells me not to get angry at her, but myself. I want to get into UPenn, right? I can’t do it with those scores. MOM. Those are MY goals. Stop pretending they’re your achievements if I get in.

I have much more to say, but my frustration is clouding my train of thought. I don’t think I could type another coherent paragraph. Also, my keyboard is pissing me off. Half of the keys I press, don’t show up on the screen, and it’s driving me nuts. I’ll be off while my disappointment, stress, and frustration all brew into a huge crying storm. Bleh.

Apparently, my county is/was going through a tornado warning. Information varies between local news channels. Personally, I think it’s exciting, and I take these kinds of situations so nonchalantly, whereas my sisters are freaking out. Oh, well.

So pretty much I’m at the point in my life that I barely care about anything. Truthfully, my whole life is focused on my schoolwork, tests, and college stuff right now. Other than that, almost nothing appeals to me as worth my time. Especially dating.

Seems like everywhere I look, everyone is either caught up in their significant other or caught up in finding one. And I’m talking about my peers and younger, so take high school as a limit. Personally, dating in high school is a waste of time, let alone middle school. My generation and those after mine are supposedly “settling down” and “falling in love.” Both are mature responsibilities and actions, and I for one don’t believe I’ve matured to that point yet. [Well, obviously since I'm not dating or trying to fall in love.] But honestly, in my opinion, I’m much more mature than those that surround me. Well, it’s almost a given. It’s not that I try to be mature, but that I’ve become so critical and cynical that it’s hard not to. I’m not a fan of immaturity, but if it’s age appropriate, I can deal. Yet again, I could be the immature one because of my views I’m pouring out now. Hah. Talk about irony.

But all around me, people are claiming love. Couples are breaking up and getting back together again, which is one thing I especially don’t agree with, even at mature ages. I’m a one chance type of girl. You blow it, you’re done. But I digress. The breaking up and getting back together thing is just absurd. As if you can’t live without a certain person. They’re presence isn’t necessary for you to breathe. It just sickens me to see a bunch of girls yearning for certain boys and Seventeen and Cosmo are teaching my gender how to impress and attract guys. From my experience, it’s the other way around.

But most of all, the idea that girls starting from the 7th grade are just yearning to get into relationships. I’ve come this far without being too condescending, but please, gag me. I just don’t see the need to get into a relationship. What can a relationship offer me? Companionship? I have friends for that. Physical sexuality? No one needs that, but even if I did, fuck buddies are perfectly acceptable with me. No, I’m not a whore, although I could easily be one. Hah. That says alot about me. Anyway, I’m not trying to “settle” now, because getting a boyfriend would only detract from my future, which is ultimately the most important goal in my life. Fine, if someone comes along and sweeps me off my feet, I’m all for it, but I’m definitely not one to go and FIND a boyfriend. Because, again, in this stage of my life, dating isn’t important. In the large scope of things, dating is to find “the one” [a concept I still have yet to accept], someone you can’t separate from, fall in love, get married blah blah. You know, the stuff they feed you in fairy tales. That’s just not what I want right now. It would only increase my chances of falling into the chasm of Nebraska that I avoid like the plague.

So that’s my rant on dating. Blah. Probably catalyzed by seeing one of the young girls I used to care for get a boyfriend after a long longing for one. I just don’t want her to get caught up in that drama that takes so much energy out of you. Yes, boyfriends/girlfriends are drama. Unless you’re like me, and you really don’t care about anything. Hah.