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It seems that everyone expects me to be like everyone else. Anytime I say something out of the ordinary, it seems that everyone tries to persuade me otherwise. If I disagree with mainstream ideals, there will be someone to refute.

The obvious one is me being Atheist. Apparently, people just can’t accept other people’s beliefs. Mr. Lebedz especially has this problem. Everytime he lectures, it’s like he knows everyone has the same beliefs as him. He expects everyone to believe in God, everyone to be an “ideal” person, but I’m far from that ideal person. I’m purposefully and openly cruel. I want what I want. I don’t wish to be in a relationship. I don’t try my hardest to be liked. I’m not mainstream America, and I choose not to be.

Everyone wants to live a long, prosperous life. I agree with half of that. I want to live a prosperous life, but definitely not a long one. I may be on the pessimistic side of things, but living too long seems miserable. 50 years on this earth seems too long, too miserable, too grueling. I don’t want it, and I won’t have it. Well, maybe I’ll have it, but I plan on living life as I want it, unhealthy as it may be, because I don’t intend to live a long life.

Does everyone I know want several kids? Seriously? That seems like so much work. As I’ve already pointed out, I want to live how I want to live, and kids will only get in the way of that. I mean, I’ll have one child [at most] to please my parents. Everytime the subject of children come up and I state my views, everyone gives me this surprised look, like as a person I’m required to have lots and lots of kids. No thanks. I’d rather not. Everyone seems to think that I’ll change my mind as soon as I have a kid and decide I want another one. Same goes for my living a short life. They say as soon as I get there, I’ll feel great and I’ll want to live. As soon as I get there, I’ll probably feel physically disgusting and want to die. And having one kid will probably make me regret having any kids at all.  

Today, I was forced through an over extravagant Catholic confession and mass. As already stated, I’m a Catholic-raised Atheist. It was around this time last year that I denied the existence of God. I remember sitting down and realizing all the contradictions and unnecessary things that Catholicism has and teaches. I just couldn’t keep myself blindly following and believing in such a fallacy. The ceremony today only strengthened my denial of God.

I don’t understand why there needs to be a ceremony to do anything that has to do with organized religion. I don’t even understand why there are prayers. Has someone approved those through God? And today we “bless ourselves” by dipping our hands in water and making the cross. Hrm, all these symbols have no meaning to me now. I remember when I just believed everything they told me without question or thought. Now, I’ve become skeptical and have started to disbelieve almost everything taught to me.

Then afterward, I guess I gave my little sister attitude, which in my opinion was rightly deserved since she was being a little bitch and nitpicky where it isn’t needed, but hey, that’s just me. Well, my mom proceeds to tell me that I just left confession and that I should go back. BAH. If only she knew that I was an Atheist. What would she say then? What kind of threats would she give me? She no longer can keep me “in my place” through the fear of God.

We can give thanks to the media for demoralizing our youth. I have two younger sisters. The older is thirteen, and in her friends I already see girls with caked on makeup, talking about sex, dating, kissing, making out, and whoring themselves all over MySpace. My little sister even asked for a thong about two years ago. I’m like, “Whoa.” To tell you the truth, I didn’t buy a thong to show off or to seduce guys [HAH, I had no idea how to do that at the age of when I got one, which was freshman year], I got a thong so I wouldn’t show panty lines. Panty lines are pretty embarrassing, but anyway, back on topic. I don’t understand what’s going on in these kids heads. Just because you see it on MTV, doesn’t mean you should be copying it. Sometimes I feel that they should have a disclaimer on every television show as they do with Jackass, because younger kids are being exposed to it, and having sex. Sex is seriously the main issue I’m worried about with younger kids, because being ready to have a child is being emotionally and financially stable, and I’m sure 13 year olds aren’t either of those. It pretty much blows my mind knowing that these kids know how to have sex, because it took me the longest time to figure out how it works after I heard about sex.

But what really got me thinking about this is when I look at my youngest sister. She’s currently ten, almost eleven. We all have the generalization that as time goes by, the more scantily clad our kids get, but when I was talking to my sister, I realized she is utterly innocent. Everything about her is innocent. She is pure and uncorrupt, besides the fact that she holds vices like those of selfishness, but most children have to be taught to share. At her age, I don’t think I was that innocent. I’m sure I had some sense of puberty and knew that babies didn’t come from storks or just plainly from a man and a woman loving each other, not that I was expriencing either, but I just was aware of both. I didn’t understand sex, but I knew it made babies. My youngest sister doesn’t even know what a period is, let alone sex. I don’t think she has the slightest idea what puberty is. She’s due for a watered down sex/puberty education class this year. I have no idea how she’s going to react, but then again, my family doesn’t know the real me, and that could be true for my sister. I hope it’s not. I applaud her for staying so innocent. She chose the right people to surround herself with and didn’t let curiosity kill the cat. Well, she definitely wouldn’t let it kill the cat since cats are her favorite animals ever, but that’s just a figure of speech. I’m just afraid of how she’s going to react going to middle schools, where little kids get sexed up to show off. I really hope she handles that exposure well because I sure didn’t. Not that I got sexed up, but I had a recession in my self-esteem.